What are you aiming to do better?

January 8, 2024

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 1/8/24 – reprised posts from the blog of the late Pastor Jack Freed.


“All I aim to do this year is better.” (PictureQuotes.com)  Are you into making resolutions? How’s it going? Recently a related quote was handed to me: “A year from now you’ll wish you had started today.” When we’re really serious about making changes in our life, it has to happen one day at a time. I’ve read that if you’re going to move a mountain, you begin by moving the first stone, even if it’s only a pebble. Basically, I aim to do better…starting today. 😉  Jack

Originally sent January 14, 2016.

I got the graphic below separately from today’s post from the Jack’s Winning Words blog, but it just seemed to be appropriate.

At this time of the year people and businesses are busy setting their goals for the coming year. Sometimes people call their goals resolutions. The one consistent factor in these plans/resolutions is a desire or need for change. Even a goal as nebulous as “doing better” begs the need for change.

In order to understand what needs to change or how you can do better, one needs to understand where they are starting from – what is the current situation that you would like to change? That understanding constitutes your starting point and the baseline from which you will measure the progress of the change.

Reflecting on what you’ve accomplished over the last year also allows you to think about what worked and what didn’t. It may require a reset of your goals or at least a reexamination of them to see if that is really still a goal worth pursuing.

One aspect of goals that is often misjudged is the timeline to accomplish them. Most of the time that is caused by a failure to breakdown ands understand the steps and sequence of events that must be accomplished on the journey to the end goal. Quite often with bigger or more ambitious goals there are a host of enabling things that must be accomplished before one can make progress on the main goal. Often these enabling steps involve education or training, which can take years in itself. So, perhaps one of the things that you’ll need to get better at is patience. Another is persistence.

In the business world there is a good advice about goal setting:

Goals must be achievable.

Goals must be measurable.

Goals must have a time constraint.

We should strive to make our resolutions for the year ahead adhere to those guidelines. Another good business practice to follow in our pursuit of our resolutions is that we must be held accountable. Someone else needs to know what your goal is and agree to provide you with an evaluation and feedback on your progress.  In business we call that someone your “accountability partner”.

So, as you begin another year with new resolutions (goals) for change and improvement, make sure that they are realistic (see list above). At the end of each day/week/month, take time to reflect back on how you spent your time and evaluate whether or not you actually accomplished and steps, no matter how small, towards your new goals for the year. Then renew your commitment to persistence and patience.

Move that first (or next) pebble today.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Whose expectations are you trying to meet?

December 26, 2023

As I get older, some things that used to be important to me have lost that sense of importance, especially as it related to the use of my time. And, when I take the time to really think about it, many of those things were things that I was doing not so much because I really wanted to as it was that I thought someone else expected me to. I was letting what I perceived to be their expectations of me dictate the direction of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that some level of recognition and acceptance of the expectations of others is required for an orderly society. The alternative is chaos. We all accept and obey the laws and expectations of society to some level. Those who choose to deviate from those expectations may be classified as criminals or perhaps as inventive genius’ or entrepreneurs. They are meeting their own expectations.

One does not have to be a criminal or a genius to focus upon their own expectations. I could use the words hopes and dreams in place of the word expectations. The point is understanding what is driving your behavior – what you want or what someone else wants?

When we are young, we may not really have a clear or firm vision of where we would like to go in life, so we “go with the flow” and let the expectations of others (parents, teachers, fiends) dictate our direction. At some point in life our own expectations gel and we seem to know what we want and take steps to get achieve those goals/ambitions/expectations.

By the time that one achieves that level of clarity about their personal expectations, they may be so locked into the roles that others expect of them that they cannot see any way to pursue their own goals. They may be married and have children. They may be deeply committed to some profession. That doesn’t mean that they can’t still pursue their dream, just that it will be harder and more complicated to do so.

If all of this makes pursuing your own expectations seem like a self-centered or selfish way to live there is some truth to that, but it is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. Shakespeare said in his play Hamlet, “To thine own self be true”. Acknowledging and pursuing your own hopes, dreams, and expectations is just being true to yourself.

If you have that nagging feeling at the end of each week that you ae not happy, even though you may be meeting the expectations of others in your role as employee, spouse or parent, take the time to think about what it is that you really want to be doing – what your hopes and dreams and expectations are in life. At least acknowledge that you have expectations of your own and that achieving them is also important in your life.

Once you get that clear, you can start thinking about how you might achieve those goals without completely disrupting your current life. Those new expectations can co-exist with the expectations that you are already locked into meeting. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do and seek their support for your effort. Start making small progress steps towards those new goals – maybe a college-level class or some introductory instruction on a needed skill.

Perhaps the “down time” between Christmas and New Year’s Eve provides a good opportunity to stop and think about whose expectations you are meeting in your daily life and to rediscover your own hopes and dreams. Perhaps you can set a few expectations for yourself based upon them. Your New Year’s Resolutions can then include meeting a few of your own expectations.

Have a great New Year of meeting your own expectations.

Leave a Comment » | Inspiration | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

Who are you living for?

April 23, 2021

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” – from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying – A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, a 2012 book by Australian author Bronnie Ware.

Does Ware’s regret apply to you? Are you living your life trying to meet the expectations of others? How would your life be different if you where living it true to yourself?

The regret that Ware postulates is actually quite common, whether we are aware of it or not. From a very young age we are “conditioned” to consider what others think or want from us and act accordingly. Being a “good girl” or “good boy” means acting like or doing what we are told others expect of us. If we don’t we are called bad and punished. It sinks in fairly fast for most and we become used to conforming to the expectations of others. It’s almost as if we start to think of ourselves in the second person.

As we grow up things like being considerate of others or being politically correct take the place of admonishments from mom and dad, and the awareness of our need to go along to get along becomes a driving force. This is not to say that being polite or not blurting out offensive remarks is a bad thing. That is a sign of self-control and consideration for the feelings of others. However, there ae probably other things “holding you back” from being true to your own feelings or desires. Those are the things that Ware was alluding to in the regret that she expressed.

Having the strength and courage to live true to yourself means taking risks in life. Sometimes that can mean taking big risks, like quitting a job that you hate to pursue a new career in a field that you love, even if it pays less. It may involve asking out that person that you ae sure is going to turn you down or maybe just working up the courage to introduce yourself to that person. Don’t end up regretting that you never took that chance to be true to yourself.

The secret to not ending up with these regrets is to continually ask yourself why you are dong what you are doing and who are you doing it for? Sometimes we are doing things to meet the expectations of others, but those expectations are what we expect of ourselves, too. Husbands and wives do many things for each other that they hope to meet the expectations of their partners. Parents also do many things for their children, sometimes thinking “I wish my parents had done this for me”. Oher times we might stop and think about why we are doing something, especially something that just doesn’t feel right. If the only answer that you come up with is just “that’s what’s expected of me”; it maybe time to ask the next question- “expected by whom?”

There are things in societies called “norms”, which are the expected behaviors in certain situations. Those are what we sometimes call “common knowledge”; however, that does not mean that they are irrefutable or true. For many years there were norms and even laws that defined the behaviors expected of blacks in America. There were separate areas on buses and in restaurants where they could sit or fountains from which they could drink. It was only through the concerted efforts by some blacks during the Civil Rights Movement of the 50’s and 60’s who refused to live up to the expectations of the whites in their communities that the laws were changed. It is taking longer to change the expectations of some. Some of those expectations became deeply embedded in the fabric of our society such that they became systemic. It is the battle to root out those systemic things that is being fought right now.

Maybe to avoid the regret that Ware wrote about one can pray each day for the courage to live life true to themselves. If one has to live up to the expectations of someone else, it might be wise to choose the best role model that we know of – Jesus. You might refer to this passage from the Bible –  “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)

Perhaps being true to yourself is being true to God’s will.

Try it. You’ll like it. Meet God’s expectations of us.

Leave a Comment » | faith, Inspiration | Tagged: , , | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner