Give the gift of being there…

November 22, 2023

As we enter the 2023 Holiday Season it is easy to become so swept up in the celebrating and shopping and decorating that we lose awareness of those around us and we may miss the signs that all is not right with them. Statistically we are told by experts that 1 in 5 Americans will suffer some form and level of mental illness, with the Holiday Season being one of the worst seasons. Be there for them.

Why is that? A big reason is all of the stress that comes out of the expectations for the Holidays. Another might be the sadness that comes from a first holiday after a loved one has passed away. Yet another might be the increased feelings of loneliness that the extended time away from work or at least away from your normal routine can bring on depression. Be there for them.

There are all sorts of good articles online about depression and the holidays and I encourage you to read a few. Most of them will have some advice for helping those who might be suffering depression during the holidays. Boiling down that advice, the most basic way you can help is to be there. Be there to listen. Be there to show them that someone cares about them. Be there to have a good cry with them. Be there to just hold their hand in silence. There is no substitute for being there. No cute text message or Tic Tock post will work. Be there for them.

In order to be there for them you first have to recognize that there is a problem. Many of the articles that are online have lists of things to watch for, such as mood changes, withdrawal, anger and frustration. You may not see any of those signs if you aren’t paying attention. People who need your help are unlikely come up and tap your shoulder and say, “I need your help”. They are much more likely to respond to your inquiry about how they are doing with, “I’m OK.” So, it’s good to read about what the signs are that someone needs your help, but it is better to be actively looking for those signs, especially the non-verbal signs. Be there for them.

The worst thing that you can do would be to say to someone that you see is in need, “Suck it up” or maybe “Put on your big girl panties”. It’s a waste to say, “things will be alright” or “things will get better” without taking time to understand their frame of mind and showing that you care about them. Be there for them.

As we head towards Christmas with endless Back Friday sales and thoughts of the gifts that we might give, keep in mind that the greatest gift that you can give anyone is the gift of your time. Refocus yourself from the glitz and glamor of the stores and TV ads and look around for those who really need that gift more than anything else. Be there for them.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Use the change to make a fresh start…

November 21, 2023

The graphic today, like so many this time of year, focuses upon change and challenges us to make changes in our lives to achieve a new beginning.

Making a fresh start does not have to mean abandoning everything in your life to start anew. It does, however, mean making some meaningful changes in your attitude as well as your daily routines. It is important that these be conscious decisions made out of the understanding that the old direction of your life was not taking you where you want to be.

Making a fresh start may mean having to increase your education level or learning new skills. It may mean not only changing your job but pursuing an entirely new career. It may mean leaving old relationships behind, especially if they were toxic and holding you back. It almost always means venturing into unknown territory. Because of that change will be a little bit scary, but it will also be exciting.

There is a tendency in many to understand that change is happening all around them and to decide to just “go with the flow” and allow those changes to dictate the direction of their life. They are like people floating down a river on an innertube, satisfied to let the river decide where they will end up. Others actively resist the flow of change, becoming luddites, resisting the changes of technology and modernization. Still others get swept up by the change, sort of like being caught in a tsunami wave, and are carried along to change. That often happens when entire industries or industry segments become obsolete and are replaced by new industries.

What is inevitable for all is that changes in our lives will happen. How we react to those changes, or the opportunities for change, is up to us. Deciding to use those changes to make a fresh start may be just one choice, but it would seem to be the best choice. That means seeing change not as a threat but as an opportunity. How do you see the changes that are taking place in your life?

Make a fresh start.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Lighten up and learn…

November 20, 2023
The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 11/20/23 –  Originally sent November 20, 2020.
“We are not what other people say we are. We are who we know ourselves to be. That’s OK.” (Transgender Slogan) We honor transgender individuals on November 20, and remember the murder of Rita Hester in 1998. Societal change has allowed me to meet and to have friends from the LGBTQ community. I’ve learned from them and had my life enriched by them. We’re all different in our own way, and each of us knows ourselves as we are, not as others say we are.  That’s OK! Today is TDOR! 😉 Jack
From the collection of posts that Pastor Jack Freed made over his lifetime.

If you didn’t know what the TDOR is in Jack’s post – The Transgender Day of Remembrance, also known as the International Transgender Day of Remembrance, has been observed annually on November 20 as a day to memorialize those who have been murdered as a result of transphobia.

As with all phobias, transphobia is about fear. Those who don’t understand (or even try to understand) someone who is different from them most often react in fear. We see this every day and it is reported every night on the TV news is some form. Currently the anti-Semitic and anti—Islamic phobias are front and center in the news; however, the fear and hate of the entire LBGTQ community is never far from the top of the list and drives too many headlines of violence in the news.

Jack had the right attitude, one of learning from people who are different in some way from yourself. People from different ethnic backgrounds or who live their lives on a different path from what we consider to be “normal” bring different perspectives and experiences to things. Not every difference is one that we can embrace or emulate; however, every difference is something from which we can learn and those learning experiences will enrichen your life, too.

Perhaps the key is to first understand that those differences are not like some infectious disease. You can’t “catch” transgender or being gay or lesbian. It will not “rub off” on you, nor are members of the LBGTQ community out to steal and convert all of our children. They simply want to be accepted for who they are and be treated with the same respect as you might treat others. If you can get your head to that level of acceptance neutrality, the next step into learning from your interactions will be easier.

November 20 is one day of remembrance of the result of ignorance, fear and hate towards those who identify differently than their biological gender at birth. Use it also to resolve not to let fear, ignorance and hate rule your life when it comes to accepting and interacting with transgender people. Lighten up and learn.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dive in and be happy…

November 14, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 11/13/23
“I’ve made up my mind to never have another bad day in my life. I dove into an endless sea of gratitude from which I’ve never emerged.” (Patch Adams) Patch is a physician and clown, dedicated to bringing humor to hospital patients (children and adults) around the world, His is an alternative form of healthcare not covered by insurance. He believes that “bad days” are often caused by looking at the world in the wrong way. If you’re having a bad day, try looking through the lens of gratitude. 😉  Jack

Originally sent August 18, 2020.

Patch Adams is both a real person and was a 1998 movie by the same name, staring Robin Williams as Adams. Patch Adams is best known for his work as a medical doctor and a clown, but he is also a social activist who has devoted over 40 years of his life to changing America’s healthcare system. He believes that laughter, joy and creativity are an integral part of the healing process and, with the help of friends, he founded the Gesundheit Institute in 1971 in order to address all the problems of health care in one model.

It’s not as hard as you may initially think to take the advice that Patch Adams offered, if you make it a habit to wake up each day and find something for which to be grateful; be it just being alive for another day or something else. As I get older, the just being alive for another day thing takes on more meaning and provides a reason to be grateful.

There will always be days when things are not going the way that you had hoped they would. Those don’t have to be “bad” days. They are, after all, days in which you will experience something new and hopefully learn from the experience. Phrases like “It keeps you on your toes” or “That’s what makes life interesting” come to mind.

How the day goes for you – good or bad – is greatly impacted by the frame of mind in which you start the day. Adams has resolved to be grateful at the star of each day and that has allowed him to find happiness in each day. You can find happiness, too.

Adams never mentions faith, but I would be willing to bet that at the heart of his approach to life there is a strong faith. Just looking for someone or something to express your gratitude for another day will inevitably lead to thanking God. Once you are in that frame of mind with God, you are off to a great start on what will be another great day.

So, take the advice of Patch Adams and start each day with an attitude of gratitude and see if that doesn’t change your life. Dive in to the endless sea of gratitude and be happy.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Help my unbelief…

November 9, 2023

The Best of Jack’s Winning Words 10/30/23
“Everyone tells me you are a fake, but I believe in you. P.S. If you are a fake, don’t tell me.  I don’t want to know.”  (Linus writing to The Great Pumpkin) Cartoonist Charles Schulz never hid the fact that he was a church member, and some of his Peanuts comic strips showed that. Just because someone is a church member doesn’t mean that they don’t sometimes doubt their faith. One time a father brought his son to Jesus for healing. Jesus asked him if he believed, and he responded, “I believe. Help my unbelief.”  What Linus says to The Great Pumpkin could be rephrased to, “I believe. Help my unbelief.” Faith, whether in a religious context or not, isn’t the absence of doubt,!  -)  Jack
 
Originally sent October 26, 2022.

Aa I have gotten older I have become better at keeping separate my faith from my religion. I go to church most weeks and sit there with others who are there seeking help with their unbelief. We all believe, but we all need help with our unbelief.

One thing that age does is give you the time to ponder the alternatives to belief in God and they all end up leading you down the same blind alley with nothing at the end – no answers and no viable alternatives. There is God or there is nothing and nothing is a sad and scary thing to conclude indeed.

Faith is based upon hope and without faith there is no hope, and that is a dead end. Faith allows us to believe that death is not the end. A good deal of mankind’s development of religions is devoted to descriptions (some quite elaborate) of the hereafter, based entirely on man’s limited imagination. I find some comfort in believing that what comes next is much more than we can imagine.

In times of great suffering, pain, or sorrow, those with a strong faith find comfort in it. It is also a time when one’s unbelief can cause them to question why God would allow such pain to happen or even to question whether God exists at all. It is in those times when the words of Mark 9:24 ring the truest – “I believe; help my unbelief.” 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make opportunities happen today….

November 1, 2023

I like today’s graphic because it forces the issue of being proactive.

I know too many people who seem to be waiting for opportunities to come to them. They are usually not happy people and may be frustrated people. They are almost always very passive people – people who don’t speak unless spoken to and who never extend their hand first when greeting others. I’ll bet that you know some people like that, too.

The interactions that we have with others always presents opportunities – opportunities to learn and to make new friends. Those opportunities never come to those who choose not to interact,, usually out of fear.

Other opportunities may present themselves if one just ventures out in the world, perhaps the opportunity to experience something new and exciting. Yet there are those who out of fear of harm or the fear of failure hunker down in their homes and seldom venture out. They exchange the passive role of observer, perhaps through the use of television or the internet, for that of participant. Opportunity seldom knocks through the TV or PC screen.

So, what are you to do to create opportunities? The simplest answer is the old phrase, “put yourself out there”, both literally and figuratively.  You cannot score the winning goal or make the sale that gets you the promotion or find your true soulmate for life if you are literally not out there trying. And, being out there but shrinking back from everyone and everything will not bring opportunities either. If you have gotten yourself to the game the next step is to get into the game.

Opportunities for growth, for friendships and even for love are all around you if you but expose yourself to them. Make your opportunities happen. Put yourself out there and put yourself in the game.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Unlock your chains…

October 23, 2023

From the best of Jack’s Winning Words comes this post to the Jack Freed’s blog back in 2020…

“So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains, and we never even know we have the key.”  (The Eagles)  It’s said that the Eagles’ song, Already Gone, has some of the greatest lyrics of all time. It expresses a thought that I’ve found to be true: “Things always work out for the best in the end.” And there’s another truism: “Chains” sometimes keep us from having a better life. The lyrics say that we have the key to a happier life. We don’t have to live in chains. 😉  Jack

What are the “Chains” that keep us from a better life? They are the chains of ignorance, fear, hatred, prejudice and bigotry. While many of them may be handed to us by others – parents or friends – they are things that we wrap around ourselves and allow them to control our actions.

It may not be easy to unlock those chains. Some are deeply ingrained in us. Yet each is a chain that holds us back; that prevents us from really enjoying a happy life. None of them is positive or additive to our lives. They are all negative and serve only to bring us down.

Perhaps the “key” that the song alludes to, which will unlock those chains and set us free is love. Love opens the way to understanding, to acceptance and to forgiveness. But, before you can love others, you must love yourself.  I have posted here in the past about the need to love yourself before you can love others (see https://normsmilfordblog.com/2023/01/18/love-yourself-first/)

Loving yourself allows you to forgive yourself and that loosens many chains and allows them to fall away. You have the key to getting rid of your chains. Use it. Free yourself. Allow yourself to love and to be loved.

If you need a little help using the key, there is a locksmith named Jesus whom you can call upon, no matter how many chains weigh you down. Call upon Him for help and you will feel the weight of those chains slipping away.

Unlock your chains…

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Posted by Norm Werner

Just keep learning…      

October 16, 2023

 From a previous post to the Jack’s Winning  Words blog comes this advice –

“When I was young my teachers were the old. Now when I am old my teachers are the young.”  (Robert Frost) Maybe the point of Frost’s quote is that we can learn from people of any age…as long as we’re willing to keep learning. 😉  Jack  

Jack was a life-long learner and I try to be, too. Learning come from being interested in things and people – how things work and what makes people tick. Learning comes out of questions – How did that happen? What makes it run? Why did you say that? What do you think of this? Just keep learning.

The enemy of learning is not ignorance; rather, it is apathy. Not caring or being interested in what is going on around you and in the people that you encounter may well lead to ignorance, but it almost surely leads to isolation and loneliness. Apathy is also a slippery slope leading to depression in some. Just keep learning.

In journalism one is taught to look for the Who, What, When, Where and How of the story that one might be covering. The more of those answers that you can get the better your story will be. Those are good questions to keep in mind for our daily lives. The more that we can explore those questions and get answers the richer our lives will be, especially as we apply them to the people that we meet. Just keep learning.

Challenge yourself to be better able to later answer those questions about the people you encounter during the day. You will find yourself asking more questions and listening more intently to the answers that they give you. Just imagine that you will be challenged to write a story about that person later. What do you know about them? How are you going to find out something interesting about them to write about? Just keep learning.

Another fun way to look at life’s encounters with others is to challenge yourself to learn something new from them. Just remember that they have seen, and still see, life from a different perspective than yours. Rather than rush to judgement on someone who has a different ethnic,  political, or religious view on life; why not accept the challenge of understand what their view is and seeing if there is anything to be learned from that perspective. Just keep learning.

If you accept some of these challenges to yourself, you will keep on learning. Your life will not be boring because you will always be discovering something new about others and about yourself. Eventually you will put the bits and pieces of knowledge that you have collected over the years together and they will coalesce into what we call wisdom. For most it takes quite a long time to collect enough new bits of knowledge to allow for wisdom to develop. That is why most of the wide people that we know are older. Just keep learning.

So, start out today and every day with the challenge of learning new things and meeting new people. Just keep learning.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Revisit your plan…

October 13, 2023

Today’s graphic is a good reminder that we all need to revisit the plans that we have to achieve our goals. Stubborn persistence to a failing plan is just a waste of time and many times just gets you further away from achieving your goals by taking you down a rat-hole.

It is not second-guessing yourself to pause and take a hard and honest look at whether the plan that you have is working. What you may discover is that the plan was not detailed enough – you did not break down the tasks needed to achieve your goal into small enough steps, or perhaps you missed some steps that are critical to success. It’s time to adjust your plan when you come to that conclusion.

It may feel like you are going sideways as you recover and complete the steps that you had missed, but they may be required to really make any further progress. Sometimes you may conclude that the path that you were on is a dead-end, like going down the dead-end leg of a maze. The challenge then is to understand how far you may have to back-track before taking a different approach (path). It is frustrating to discover that you‘ve been wasting time pursuing a dead-end path; however, you must treat it as a learning experience and rededicate yourself to the goals and to finding a new path.

Sometimes, especially in life, you may find that your goals change over time. You realize with the wisdom of age that some of your “goals” were superficial. Perhaps you finally understand that pursuing ownership of things is much less rewarding and important than forgoing meaningful relationships.  Maybe you finally see that a bright and warm day brings you more happiness than more money in your paycheck.

If you are really introspective you will find that your relationship with God is far more important than anything here on earth. In the back of every person’s mind is the goal of something beyond death. There is only one plan that you can pursue to make that goal happen – belief in the salvation and everlasting life made possible through Jesus Christ. If that hasn’t been your plan, it’s time for you to change your plan.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Remember to forget…

October 11, 2023

From a post to the Blog, Jack’s Winning Words, originally made on January 17,  2020 –

“Not the power to remember, but the very opposite…the power to forget…is a necessary condition for our existence.”  (Sholem Asch) I’ve read that the average computer has from 4 to 32 gigabytes of memory compared to the brain’s 1 million gigabytes. Unbelievable! (but I read it on the internet). In order to function in society, we have to forget certain words or actions and move on. Even the best of us, at times, can be the worst of us. Did God say “Forgive and forget?” 😉  Jack

Jack’s words fit nicely with this graphic that I recently got in a daily email.

Forgetting is a way of letting go. Perhaps the advice is not aimed so much as forgetting altogether something that has happened, but rather forgetting our reaction to the event, especially if that reaction was driven by fear or anger or prejudice. Sometimes what you need to forget is blaming yourself for that event. Let go today…

Time spent reliving the past is not time spent in the present or in planning for the future; it is just time wasted. The only thing that past failures or hardships hold of any value is perhaps a lesson for the future on what not to do again. Let go today…

Beating yourself up for a poor decision yesterday just wastes time that you could be spending on making a better decision today. Let go today…

Wasting time trying to find someone else to blame means moving sideways or backwards, but not making progress forward. Let go today…

So, remember to forget. Feel those moments of disappointment, pain or sorrow and then move on. Find a place to put that memory and then close the door on it. Let go today…

It may help you, as it so often helps me, to say this little prayer – “Not my will but thy will be done.” Yo will be amazed at the power that this short prayer has to set you free. Let go today…

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Posted by Norm Werner

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