It’s Great Quotes Sunday –

March 3, 2014

Did you ever notice how sometimes great songwriters just get it so right? They write the words to songs that just make so much sense and resonate with us. The same is true of great quotes. Sometimes when you string a few of them together they help us put things in perspective.

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.” – Abraham Lincoln

Never has that saying by Lincoln been more true than today. Sometimes we sit around wondering, maybe even fearing what the future may hold for us. That is the wrong mindset. It is a passive mindset, the mindset of a victim. The future will not inflict itself upon you. In fact, you will inflict yourself upon the future. What you do with that opportunity to impact the future is up to you.

Some people spend a lot of time and energy trying to save time by finding shortcuts or taking shortcuts. That is usually wasted time. Things change and the future gets here because you make the changes happen. If you say, “I don’t like who I am.” Then change who you are. If you say, “I don’t like where I’m headed.” Then go in a different direction. Nothing is predetermined; everything is up to you.

“You are confined only be the walls that you build yourself” – Andrew Murphy

So, break out through whatever walls you have built for yourself and go explore new worlds – or not. Maybe it’s not new worlds that you need but the ability to see your current world differently.

“Discovery comes not from seeking new lands, but from seeing with new eyes” – Marcel Proust

Your challenge may be as simple as taking a fresh look with a fresh perspective on the life that you are already living. Hopefully that perspective will be from a positive angle. Try substituting love for anger, hope for despair, peace for turmoil and faith for fear and see if things don’t look a little different.

Once you can begin your journey into the future with a new attitude the most important thing will become persistence.

Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan Press On! has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. – Calvin Coolidge

Isn’t it amazing how many famous people went ahead of you and prepared the way? And don’t worry about making mistakes along the way.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing. – George Bernard Shaw

So, use tomorrow to start a new beginning in your life. Last week is done and over. Yesterday is history and today will be soon. Whatever happened then is behind you. Look towards your future and get busy creating it.

Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you. – Jim Rohn

Have a great tomorrow and good luck on your journey into the future. I hope you make it all that you want it to be.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t shake it off, laugh it off…

March 1, 2014

A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused. –Shirley MacLaine

I find that little quote to be particularly true. My wife and I often say about something bad or unexpected that just happened, “Someday we’ll look back on this an laugh.” We laugh a lot.

One must, of course, be serious most of the time; however, one mustn’t take oneself too seriously. I tend to react to unexpected things as they happen with some form of verbal expression, not always something that I would say out loud in polite company. I believe that is called an explanative, which is often deleted in stories that recount the incident. I find that almost immediately after such an outburst, I am amused by my reaction and have a quick chuckle at my own expense.

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity. – William Arthur Ward

So, the next time that you do something really stupid or that something unexpected happens to you; see if blurting out “You knucklehead” or perhaps other words to that affect don’t relieve the tension of the moment and then allow you to laugh at yourself and the situation. It’s a way to acknowledge the situation and perhaps your poor decision making in laughingthat situation, but without beating yourself up too badly.

Being able to laugh at yourself is a form self-depreciation, but one that is usually harmless and isn’t a precursor to depression. In fact it is a good alternative to slipping into depression. Being amused by your situation or reaction to it is so much more health that being depressed by the same things. Others will also be more forgiving of the dumb things that you might do if you acknowledge them, own up to them and then have a good laugh about them. I’ll close this on this little quote that makes me feel better about the whole thing.

Laugh at yourself and at life. Not in the spirit of derision or whining self-pity, but as a remedy, a miracle drug, that will ease your pain, cure your depression, and help you to put in perspective that seemingly terrible defeat and worry with laughter at your predicaments, thus freeing your mind to think clearly toward the solution that is certain to come. Never take yourself too seriously. – Og Mandino

Remember to KCCO

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Posted by Norm Werner

A Community investing in its future…

February 28, 2014

“It’s better to walk alone than with a crowd going the wrong direction.” –  (Diane Grant)

I love that saying by Diane Grant. It is such a strong endorsement about doing what is right, even in the face of unpopularity. For many young people the choice to buck the trend or direction of the crowd that they have been running with feels like walking alone. It’s not, of course, but it is walking without those around you that you may have felt were your friends and whose support you always counted upon. It can seem that to turn away from that crowd is to be alone.

That’s why programs like the Huron Valley Youth Assistance Program are so important. My wife and I attended their annual fund raising event, A Taste of the Valley, Thursday night. Last year it was great to get to talk with some of the counselors and some of the kids who’ve been helped by the program. If there was one consistent theme that I got out of the discussions with the kids that I met, it was that the counselors and mentors and other volunteers in there program were there for them and gave them the strength and encouragement to turn and walk against that crowd that was headed in the wrong direction.

Many kids realize that what they are doing or the direction that they are headed in is wrong;mentoring but they don’t see any way out. It is a frightful and lonely feeling to realize that in order to do what is right, you have to give up those “friends” who have been leading you and encouraging you in the wrong direction. If there is nothing there it grab on to, it feels like a blind leap of faith to go against the grain. The YA Program offers that hand to hold onto through its counseling and mentoring and activities. When it comes down to “who can I turn to?” – the YA program offers an answer.

The event last night was a success with great support by the local restaurants that provided the “Taste of the Valley” and nice prizes to be won in the silent auction. If there was a disappointment to last night it was just that there weren’t enough people there. This is a program that should be better supported by the community because few things are more important that the future of our children. I will certainly try to figure out if there is some way that I can help make it even more successful in years to come.

A day earlier I attended the Community Breakfast at the Carl’s Family YMCA. It was well attended and had a great keynote speaker – Terry Woychowski, Vice President at American Axle – who spoke about “The importance and impact of Community”, especially on our youth.

kid jumping in poolThe Community Breakfast is the kick-off for the Y’s annual fund raising to support its scholarship program. The Y scholarships are provided to allow participation by kids who otherwise couldn’t afford to participate in many of the Y activities, like swimming, soccer, and other team sports programs. Like the YA programs these are intended to give kids healthy alternatives to activities that might be taking them in the wrong direction or t having no activities at all.

The common theme through this week’s youth oriented events is that there is a community support and community programs aimed at providing alternatives to those who choose to turn away from crowds going in the wrong direction. In fact, the message really is that you don’t have to walk alone when you make those choices – the community is behind you and beside you. I hope that you can support both of these worthy efforts. They are aimed at helping and nurturing our most important community assets – our youth. The fact that our community supports both of these effort gives credence to a quote that I’ve used here before –

We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

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Posted by Norm Werner

Experience the joy of service.

February 25, 2014

“I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy.” ― Kahlil Gibran

I like that little saying. This is the time of the year when churches observe Lent, the precursor to Easter. During Lent our church, like many others, holds a soup supper. We do a round-robin exchange of soup suppers with several other churches in the area.

For the last few years (I can’t even recall how many now) I volunteer to be what is washing dishesessentially the busboy during our church’s turn to host the soup supper. I originally did that because no one else wanted that job. I quickly discovered a great sense of fulfillment and joy out of taking that little role of service to others and have volunteered for that role ever since.

For me and for many people whom I have met over time, there is real joy to be found in serving others. There is an even greater sense of satisfaction to be found in taking on roles of service that no one else wants to do. Usually those are the jobs in the background in which the people toil away and never get any recognition for their efforts. They don’t do it for recognition; they do it because it must be done and someone must do it. Why not them?

There is another saying that I’ve struggled with how to use in a blog post, this one by George Bernard Shaw – Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness. I guess that I disagree with Shaw on one point; doing what must be done, especially in service to others can also be happiness.

helping elderlyThere are a great many of these little, unheralded or behind the scenes jobs out there just looking for someone to do them. It could be visiting with a shut-in or someone in a nursing home with no family nearby. It could be serving meals at a homeless shelter. It could be offering to shovel off the walk and drive for an elderly neighbor. Maybe it’s standing out in the cold with a bucket and collecting for a charity. Maybe it’s picking up the morning paper from the drive an placing it on the door step of an elder neighbor. One program locally that can always use volunteer help is the Huron Valley Youth Assistance Program, which provides counseling and mentoring to at risk youth in the community. See my earlier post on that program.

Not every job is the one that the newspaper prints a picture of or that makes the evening tutoringTV news. For every one of those there are a hundred jobs in the background that must also be done. Look around and find those little jobs, especially the ones that no one else wants to do; and take them on. You’ll be amazed at how good you’ll feel about it and it will put a smile on your face that others will see and respond to with a smile back.

This saying by Mahatma Gandhi – “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others”  – points to a side benefit of serving others. You may well find yourself in the process, find out what you are made of and find purpose in your life. Many people go through life with much material success – money, homes, cars, etc. – and yet live with a nagging sense of emptiness a lack of the sense of fulfillment. Committing yourself to acts of service to others, without any expectation of reward or remuneration, can go a long way towards filling that void.

Finally, I found this quote, which I thought is an appropriate way to sum this up – “Everybody can be great…because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”  ―  Martin Luther King Jr.

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Occasionally visit, but don’t live in the past…

February 24, 2014

I find myself occasionally using the phrase “in a prior life” in conjunction with explaining something in my past, such as my long career in the IT products and services business prior to getting into real estate (my current life). While it is just a little affectation (a throw away phrase, if you will), it does sum up nicely the fact that our past may be thought of almost like prior lives. Not of course in any Shirley McClain reincarnation way. Read more on that and her autobiography  here.

The real point is that all of that is in the past and we are and should focus upon living in the present and perhaps planning for the future. The past is a place that you might occasionally visit, especially if there are many pleasant memories that bring comfort when remembered; however, you can’t and shouldn’t live in the past. If you find yourself constantly revisiting the coulda, wouldda, shoulda’s of your life and beating yourself up over choices that you made back then, it’s time to shut those doors and move on.

thinking of the pastWe all have past lives, some with many more chapters than others. Some of those chapters were exciting and fun and some were perhaps frightening to remember.  Hopefully all of those chapters contributed something to the person that you are today and to the knowledge base upon which you now make decisions in your life.

There are memories of things that you’d love to do again, feelings that you enjoyed having and would like to have again; and there are the things that are filed away under the heading – NEVER again. Both sets of memories contributed to who you are now, but they do not define who you are now. They were stops along the journey to today. You did not get off at those stops, so don’t go back and spend time sitting in those stations.

One key to putting the past in its proper place in your life is planning – planning for today and for the future. The more that you focus upon what is just ahead and maybe just over the next hill, the less time that you have to wander back into the past. Your subconscious mind will sort out the things that you need to remember (good and bad) in order to make decisions about today and tomorrow without you spending time thinking about the past.

Once you start planning for upcoming events, your subconscious mind will move into viewing futureanticipating them and you’ll find that your conscious mind will tend to focus on that – what you can do to make this upcoming event the best that it can be. Planning and anticipation will lead to actions and pretty soon you’ll find yourself lost not in the past but in the future and that’s a much better place to be than trapped in the past.

So, if you must let your mind wander, point it to the future and not back into some dungeon from the past. Live in the present and plan for a better future – at least you can still do something about that. Have a great day today and plan for a great day tomorrow.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Feed the right wolf…

February 23, 2014

The Detroit Free Press today had an article by Josh Linkner titled “Feed the Right Wolf”. It was a fairly typical self-help article based upon an old Cherokee legend.

I Googled  the referenced legend and got the wording (as did Linkner, I imagine). The legend goes…

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside all people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.

“One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”

“The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

wolf eatingI like that story. It reinforces much of what I write about here. When I Googled it I noticed that there is a web site www.feedtherightwolf.org which I thought might also be an inspirational site. It is, sort of. It’s a porn addition self-help site. The site is devoted to trying to help those with sex or pornography additive behavior, I guess. I didn’t delve into it too deeply; but, it is the site from which I took the words of the story. I looked down the first page of Google results and 5 out of 7 entries are about porn and sex addition. Apparently, someone’s been feeding the wrong wolves.

The Cherokee legend follows the lines of every classical good vs evil in men story. From Wikipedia I found this information on that age old story –

The conflict between good and evil is one of the precepts of the Zoroastrian faith, first enshrined by Zarathustra over 3000 years ago. It is also one of the most common conventional themes in literature, and is sometimes considered to be a universal part of the human condition.[1] There are several variations on this conflict, one being the battle between individuals or ideologies, with one side Good, the other Evil. Another variation is the inner struggle in characters (and by extension, humans in reality) between good and evil.

There are lots of live links in that little paragraph, if you want to explore that further. Reading that seems to cast some doubt on the validity of the “old Cherokee legend.” Is it just coincidence that the old man in the Cherokee legend came up with this good vs. evil allegory, or has someone who was aware of the historical precept created the Cherokee legend? I guess it doesn’t really matter. The Cherokee legend story is a good device for illustrating the point.

Obviously our more modern religious movements have picked up on the same theme of the conflict in men of good vs. evil. There is even an explanation in the Christian Faith about why God allows that to happen – the whole “free will” argument. I don’t know enough about other religions to comment on them, but I’m pretty sure that somewhere in all of them the concepts of good vs evil in men’s lives is covered and some rationale for why men are allowed to do evil is covered somehow. All religions have what the Ronald Regan team coined as “plausible deniability” for the evil acts of man.

So, no matter your religious beliefs, we can agree upon the raging conflict in us all about whether to do good or evil at every turn. Do you do the so-called “right thing” or do you feed the other wolf and take the easy way out or the shortcut or cop a lie? Feed the right wolf.

I find it humorous (I have a weird sense of humor sometimes) that, as a modern society, we have developed our own variation on the two wolves’ story. You’ve all seen ads in print or on TV with the two little characters sitting on the shoulders of the person trying to make a decision. One is depicts as a little red devil (horns and tails and all) of evil and the other is usually robed in white and may have wings, but is surely the angel of good. That somehow meets our modern need to simplify everything down to the level of a cartoon. So, now, instead of the two wolves battling it out to get fed in us, we have two little characters sitting on our shoulders whispering in our ears. It’s not which wolf gets fed; now, it’s which little character do we listen to. The effect is the still the same. Feed the right wolf.

The real point of the story in the legend, and in a great many stories from various religions, is that we have the power within us to choose which wolf we feed and which character we listen to as we make life decisions. The images from the legends and the modern TV commercials are there just to help us stop and think before we decide or act. They also force one more question to be answered – do we know the difference between the two?  Feed the right wolf.

It turns out that evil does not always show itself clearly for what it is (that is part of its evil).wolf in sheeps clothing The wolf occasionally hides in sheep’s clothing to fool us. Evil can take on many forms. Evil does not always show us its horns and tail and is not always an easy to spot red color. Sometimes evil can be a seductive siren calling us to the racks of destruction. Sometimes evil can be found in a crowd all angrily going the wrong way. Sometimes evil is even more insidious and is something that we just have to forget to do or decide not to do. Feed the right wolf.

One thing that evil cannot do is to hide from the glare of the light of truth. Evil likes to lurk in the darkness and lure us to join it there. Shining the light of truth on evil makes the darkness drop away and exposes the ugly thing that was hiding there. Evil is based upon lies about others or lies told to us; it is about lies that cannot stand up to the truth. Feed the right Wolf.

deceptive wolfThere is no truth that you can find to justify saying bad things about another person or hating another person because of something that they said or did that you don’t agree with. There is no truth to be found in your decision to by-pass the needy or poor because evil tells you that you are too busy. There is no truth to looking the other way when you see something wrong or someone wronged, because evil tells you not to get involved. Evil hates the truth ad will try to keep you from seeing it. Feed the right wolf.

So, it all boils down to the decision that the old Cherokee was trying to get the young boy to understand in the legend. You have choices in life. Those choices will always involve two wolves vying for your attention – good and evil. The choices that you make will determine the course of your life and to a great extent the course of your life (your ability at any point in time to discern the difference between right and wrong) will determine which wolf gets fed. Oh; and did I mention – Feed the right wolf!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Allow joy in your life…

February 22, 2014

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

Every now and then (more often that I’d like to admit) my wife has to stop me in the middle of grousing about something and remind me of how good things really are. She takes time to enumerate the things that we have – a great home, two wonderful dogs to share it with, wonderful children and grandchildren who are nearby and most of all each other. She’ right, of course; and it does always work to get me out of whatever funk I’ve wandered into about something that has gone wrong or something that I wish I had but don’t.

One has only to watch the nightly news to see images of those in war-torn countries or starving in Africa to see people who are so much worse off than we are just because we haven’t got whatever the latest and greatest gadget is right now. Right here in America, we have only to look on the streets to see the homeless huddled in doorways or under bridges; yet we are miffed that we don’t have the most stylish pair of winter boots. Grumble, grumble, grouse, grouse. Poor me, look at all the things that I don’t have.

I think it’s important to give ourselves permission to be happy, to experience joy in our lives by recognizing how good things really are for most of us. The fact that we have someplace with access to read these blog posts is a good thing. The fact than most of us are not hungry or cold while doing that is a good thing. The fact that most of us have clothes and shoes on is a good thing. The fact that we woke up this morning is a good thing (more so the older I get). The fact that many of us have family and friends who love us is a good thing. So, take stock of all the good things in your life and allow yourself the joy that comes along with that.

Amazing things happen to those who allow joy to rule their lives. They look happy because they are happy. People want to be their friend because they are happy and people prefer being around happy people. They achieve greater business success, because people prefer to do business with someone who is smiling and happy. They have a better home life, because spouses and children much prefer a happy partner/parent than that grousing old grump that you sometimes can become. So, allow joy in your life. Be happy about what you do have and not grumpy about what you don’t have.

Finally, it is important to keep in mind that Joy is a choice and …

“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen

happy face

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Posted by Norm Werner

Who really cares…Why do I write?

February 21, 2014

One of the age old questions for writers and bloggers is “Why?” Why do I write? Who really cares? I may have 20 -40 -100 followers on various blogs; is that who I’m writing for? Am I creating prose and blasting it into a great unknown void called the blog-o-sphere in hopes that someone finds it, like finding a note in a bottle that has washed up on shore? Does that make sense? Does the Internet make sense? Does anything about writing and posting to blogs make sense?  Must it?

One can make the case, that Arianna Huffington started this way, so why not me. Of course, then one could look at the amazing success of Adam Kutcher, who garnered over a million followers on Facebook in a short period of time and ask “Can there be that many lonely, bored and pathetic people who need to know what Adam Kutcher thinks about anything?”

So, millions upon millions of the rest of us blog away in total anonymity; posting into the wind, in hopes that someone, somewhere will see it and perhaps even read what we have written.  To have our posts read; perchance to even have a comment posted; what joy.  But then, one must be willing also to put up with the tons of spam and trash ads that are sent your way by every yahoo (no offense Yahoo) who ever took a t quick course on SEO optimization and now positions himself as an expert. A thousand idiots will email assure you that they can help you make money from blogging and ten thousand more try to sell you their services to improve your obviously struggling little blog. There aren’t enough rocks to hide all of the slimy little characters out there just waiting to pounce upon the poor little bloggers who fantasy themselves to be authors.

So let me give you this piece of advice for free.  You are an author if you write. You may be a crappy one, but at least you are one.  If you have something to say; say it. If you care about what others think of what you have to say or how you say it; ask someone that you trust, and who has the ability to render a valid and educated opinion, to look at your work and make suggestions. Understand your limits, but work at it like you would work at anything else.

The next thing to consider is that what you are writing about must matter somehow to the reader. I don’t care (nor does anyone else) about what you had for breakfast or where you went last night (unless, of course you have a great story about what happened last night). I’m more inclined to read about your opinion of something that is affecting both of us and something that you’ve been through that I’m still facing. Tell me something that I can learn from your experiences or maybe just something that I’ll enjoy reading, get a chuckle out of or shed a tear about.

Lastly trust that your message in a bottle will wash up on some distance shores and be read. I  get comments on my blogs all the time from all over the world.  Most were written in native languages of the countries that the readers liven in and most have suffered greatly in the translation. The translations of some are humorous and some just make no sense, but most have this in common – they are from someone who read what I wrote.

So back to the beginning; why do I write? I write because I enjoy it. I hope others will enjoy it, too; but just the fact that I wrote it and posted it and sent it on its way into the blog-o-sphere is enough for me. Somewhere out there someone will see it and perhaps read it and maybe even comment on it; but I’ll be smiling just because I wrote it. For some there is no reward without accolades, but, I suspect for many of us writers in the blog-o-sphere, it is enough reward just to have written it in the first place. That’s what allows you to call yourself a writer.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Dealing with rejection…

February 19, 2014

rejectionWe all want to be loved, to be friends, to be accepted; however there are times that we are rejected, that someone may not want to be friends or may not accept the love that you have to offer. That can be tough to deal with for most. Once you have opened yourself up enough to express love or the desire for friendship with someone else, their rejection of that affection can seem devastating. Part of the reaction that you may have is embarrassment at having been rejected and part is anger at them and at yourself; and part is probably self-doubt. Does this make you a loser? How could they reject you? How could you allow yourself to be vulnerable to a rejection like that? It’s all very raw and emotional and frustrating and maddening at the same time.

It’s time for a “So, what!”  So, what if they didn’t want to be your friend? So, what if they rejected the love that you thought that you had for them? Did you keel over and die? No!  You’re still standing. You may be flushed with embarrassment right now or feeling very hurt; but you’re still here. Rejection hurts; but, it does not kill. You now have to find your way through a very complex set of emotions and feelings and get past this. Start with “So, what.”

We’ve mentioned that you may be embarrassed. Well, at least that moment has passed. Hopefully you sayyes-no something to yourself like, “damned that was embarrassing, but not as bad as that time when… (put your funniest memory of an embarrassing moment here)”.  Sure you’ll also be mad and maybe you’ll even need to express that out loud (but maybe not in public). Go into a room or closet by yourself and shout it out a few times. Maybe you’ll feel hurt by the rejection. That’s a hurt that will take a little time to heal, but maybe you can put a Band-Aid on it by giving yourself a little treat – a cookie or a chocolate is a good start, but don’t go on an eating binge.

One thing not to do is to withdraw completely from others and keeping this all inside. You need to be able to let it go, to say “So, What” and move on. Rose Gumbo in the newspaper cartoon A Rose is a Rose uses her “leaning tree” sometimes to deal with things. She has a favorite tree that she goes and leans against as she thinks about things. The tree is really just a symbol of having something or somebody that you can lean on in times of need. For many that something is their faith and for them that someone may be their pastor. For many it may be a sister or brother with whom you can share you innermost feelings. A few may have a BFF who really is a best friend with whom they can commiserate. Find you leaning tree.

Another thing not to do is to seek comfort in drinking or drugs. Neither really provides any real relief. Walking around in a fog of alcohol or drugs does nothing good for you and may just get you further into you own personal “Dungeon of Resentment” – another of Rose Gumbo’s symbolic places to go when things go wrong. In the case of drugs and alcohol you’re really not trying to help the situation (and yourself), so much as to run away from it. There are no answers or solutions in that bottle or syringe.

It is important that a rejection in life as in business not be taken so personally that you turn against yourself. Maybe it was  something that you did or said that lead to the rejection, but that doesn’t mean that you need to beat yourself to a pulp over it. Learn from it. Don’t do that next time (and there will always be a next time) you are in a similar situation.

eight ballJust as you shouldn’t spend the rest of your life thinking that the person who rejected you is to blame; you also shouldn’t end up concluding that you are somehow to blame. Michigan is a no-fault state for auto insurance,perhaps it should be a no-fault state for rejection as well. Let go of blame. It happened. So, what. Who really cares about blame? How will assigning blame fix anything?

Some more positive things you might try include exercise. Get on that treadmill at the local “Y” or gym and walk and walk until you have walked all of the anger out of your system. If you really have a lot of anger that needs exorcising, sign up for one of the kick-boxing or boxing workout classes at the gym. You may end up being healthier, too. Try something new, like signing up for a class in something that you’ve always wanted to do.

“The good and the bad things are part of life. Accept it. The bad is a learning process, you will surpass it. If you do you will be happy and it will be a good thing.” ― Ann Marie Aguilar

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Posted by Norm Werner

Why is it so hard to ask for help?

February 15, 2014

painted into cornerIt occurs to me that as a society we have painted ourselves into a corner on one thing in particular and that is asking for help.

From early childhood we are taught to be self-reliant and to keep a “stiff upper lip”. We are told that big boys and girls don’t cry, they shake it off and go on, they get back in the game, they never give up. Whether it be in sports, in school or life in general those stereotypical images are reinforced in our youth until they become dogma.

But they are not true. We are not always able to shake it off and go on. Sometimes the issues that we are facing are so large or so confusing or so scary that we need help.

Needing help doesn’t make you weak, in fact quite the opposite. It makes you strong, smart, resourceful, and realistic. Being prideful is a weakness. Asking for help when you know you’re in over your head is STRENGTH. Don’t ever forget that! – unknown quotes

Sometimes the help we need is not deeply emotional or scary, it’s just something that we can’t figure out how to do; maybe it’s taking on a new challenge that we have never faced at work or trying a completely new sport or job. What we need then is wisdom. Ben Franklin said this –

“Man can either buy wisdom or borrow it. By buying it he pays full price in personal time and treasure, but by borrowing it he capitalizes on the lessons learned from the failures of others.”

The way one borrows wisdom is sometimes to ask for help from someone who has already been through what we are facing. Sometimes it is just enough that we know someone who has done it and obviously it didn’t kill them. Maybe they can help you overcome whatever fears might be holding you back about it and let you get on with trying. Ask for their help. People usually love talking about things that they have succeeded at or obstacles that they have overcome.

Sometimes the corners that we paint ourselves into are caused by the thought that we are the only ones who have ever experienced what we are going through, that we are alone with this issue or problem. This is an age-old feeling and was dealt with in the Bible in Ecclesiastes 1:9

Whatever has happened, will happen again; whatever has been done, will be done again. There is nothing new on earth. (This is the International Standard Version, which is just easier to read and understand)

The fact is that you are not the only one who has ever experienced a loss or experienced a set-back of faced a fearful situation; and you are only alone with your torment or sorrow or hurt if you choose to be. Help is all around you if you will ask for it. But, no; we try to tough it out; to keep a stiff upper lip; not to cry. We sit in a corner that we have painted ourselves into.

Show the STRENGTH to reach out and seek help. You will immediately feel better, just for having done that. That is the first step to healing or fixing the problem. The decision to take that first step is yours alone, but you need not be alone again, once you have stepped off.

The fact is that big girls and big boys do cry and it makes them feel a lot better for having done so. But after a good cry, wipe away the tears and take that first step out of the corner – ask for help.

“Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.”  (Brian Littrell)

One thing I have noted in the blog-o-sphere is the huge number of blogs that are devoted to the journeyedge of the abyssback from the edge by people who faced the abyss and got help to back away. That is an interesting side-effect of getting help and getting out of the corner. Once you have received help to overcome your issues, you want to help others overcome their similar issues by at least sharing the story of your journey. The blog-o-sphere can be like a giant group hug sometimes.

So, Keep Calm and Chive On!

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Posted by Norm Werner

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