Who made your banana pudding?

November 5, 2014

From today’s Jacks Winning Words blog come this – “I’m telling you, that banana pudding, really—it’s life changing.”  (Malcolm Livingston II).  Jack went on to write – Malcolm is a chef who has recently been named to work at Noma in Denmark, said to be the best restaurant in the world.  How did this come to be?  His inspiration for cooking came from Aunt Alice who would make “goodies” for him and his young friends, and their favorite was banana pudding.  As you think back, who had a life-changing influence on your life? 

We’ve all heard, or seen on TV, stories about someone in the life of a famous person who changed the course of their life. Perhaps it tutoringwas a relative or a favorite teacher who inspired them to go on to greatness in their life. Most can remember the person in their life who made their banana pudding, life- changing difference. I have heard many stories about teachers who early on in the lives of great scientists turned them on to the wonders of math and science and got them started on a life of discovery and wonder.

Many of us have also read or seen the stories of stars of stage or screen who were encouraged at a young age to express themselves through their flights of pretend fantasies. And most successful singers can point back to someone who public speakingencouraged and supported them as they developed. Those early supporters were supplying the banana pudding in the lives of those famous people.

For most of us it make be hard to put your finger on a specific person in your life who was there with the banana pudding that you needed to encourage you to succeed. Many might point back to a mom or dad who was there to gymnasttake them to dance lessons or to ball games. Many athletes can relate stories of the long hours and travel to and from practices at which mom or dad (or both) were always there. Their sacrifices were the main ingredients in the banana pudding that led to an Olympic success or to a professional career.

For those not in the limelight of athletic or professional success, it is perhaps the wholesome banana pudding of your upbringing that has made you the good person that you are today; able to tell right from wrong and make the correct choices in life. The fact that you can find happiness without having to be in that limelight points to a steady diet of preacher with childrenguidance and teaching as you were growing, to help you develop character and an principles to live by – the banana pudding made up on faith, hope and love that your parents and maybe your teachers shared with you. For many there was also a pastor, a minister, a priest, a rabbi or other religious figure (maybe a Sunday School teacher) who made a major impression on them and changed the course of their life.

So, thinking back on your life; was there someone or something that you can see now was your banana pudding? What or who has inspired you to take the path in life that you are on? Share your banana pudding person or event here.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Don’t make yourself the dumb-ass…

November 2, 2014

One of the people who “liked” one of my recent posts has a blog called talktherapies.wordpress.com. The blog actually has the title Happiness, Health and Hypnosis when you visit. I went there, as I often do when someone new starts following me or “Likes” one of my posts. The blog owner, Sue Griffin, a UK-based hypnotherapist, had one post in particular that resonated with me – “Do you bully yourself?” 

I suspect that I’m like a lot of people who do get down on themselves if they realize that they just made a mistake, screwed something up or otherwise did something dumb. Like most I immediately criticizeman mad at himself myself, usually with the self-inflicted label “dumb-ass.”  I think that is somewhat human nature and the feeling usually passes fairly quickly; unless of course what I just screwed up is a costly mistake that I will now have to replace or redo. Then I revisit the dumb-ass dungeon often until I get things right. Perhaps, that too, is human nature.

What I think Sue was writing about are those people who take this self-criticism beyond a momentary reaction to something that we’ve done and “institutionalize” it into an ongoing self-image problem. These are people who have progresses well past some temporary anger or reaction and into self-destructive behavior that then also becomes self-fulfilling. Left uncorrected it can eventually lead to depression and despair.  As a hypnotherapist Sue can help with that, as can my local favorite hypnotherapist – Nicole Merline (visit MTUHyponosis .com).

Hopefully, whatever level of self-bullying or self-criticism you currently engage in hasn’t progressed to the point where you need their intervention. I find that soon after I’ve reacted to the event and called myself a dumb-ass, I usually can’t help laughing at the whole thing, especially the dumb-ass part. looking at selfWhatever just happened, it’s almost always because I failed to completely read the ad or the instructions or something like that, which is pretty lame and leaves me no one else to blame; however, it hardly warrants a continued reaction and most often serves as a teachable moment for myself.

From what I have read on the topic, many people who now bully or denigrate themselves are just carrying on what they heard as children, unfortunately much of it from their parents or perhaps from siblings. The kidding that we take as children can quickly turn into bullying, even if the party doing it doesn’t realize it. Most of the time they actually do understand what they are doing, but just don’t realize the potential long-term consequences. Sometimes it results in people who grow up bullying themselves later in life; but, many times it just creates another bully who goes looking for his/her own stooge to act as their victim.

While it may not be possible to catch yourself as it happens and stop; I’d certainly recommend stopping as soon as you can to reconsider just how much self-inflicted flogging you want to meet out and for how long. The sooner that you can get a smile or laugh out of the situation, especially the inward directed anger parts, the better. I’ve found that if I go to a mirror and make a really stupid looking face
funny face at myself, the feeling quickly passes; because, I’ve seen the face of the dumb-ass and I don’t want to be him. I usually can laugh at myself at that point.

So, don’t beat yourself up. You may have made a mistake, but you’re still standing and the world did not come to an end. Don’t be the dumb-ass. Instead go back and read (re-read) my post on “I like me”. It was one of my posts in the Three little words that will change your life series.

Have a great day and a great week ahead!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be there for someone today

November 1, 2014

As seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “Be kind.  Remember every one of you is fighting a battle.  Everybody’s lonesome.”  (Marion Parker)

At first, I did not get this quote. Then I thought about it and it is true that even the most popular people often have secrets that they don’t share and with which they struggle in lonely isolation. Most of the world was shocked recently when Robin Williams took his own life. Here was a guy that most of us probably thought had it all – popularity, success, money, al l of the things that we believe lead to happiness – yet he struggled with depression and eventually lost his personal battle and committed suicide. He was lonesome in that battle.

I’m sure that there may have been a few close friends of Robin Williams who knew about his struggles, but perhaps he shut them out or they just weren’t there when he needed them the most. Many of us are caringthe same way. There are people with whom we may have shared our fears or concerns or anxieties. They wanted to help, but we pushed them away; refusing their help. Why? That’s one of the hallmarks of depressed behavior – the need/desire to be left alone. It is something that true friends need to fight their way through. They need to make sure that we are not alone and not allowed to feel alone in our fight. Everybody does not have to be lonesome.

If you know of someone that you care about who is struggling with a personal demon, the best thing that you can do for them is to make sure that they are not alone in that fight. Be there for them. Make them share it with you. Provide support and comfort or just lend a shoulder to cry upon. “You are not alone” is perhaps the best thing that you can say to them. Make sure that they do not retreat into a shell of loneliness. That only leads to despair and beyond.

It may be hard sometimes to force yourself into that person’s life and you may initially encounter anger and heavy pushback from them. Don’t let them discourage you from doing the right thing; and that is not leaving them alone to wallow in self-pity. You may have to become very pushy yourself, in order to break through that defense; but, keep at it until they either seek the help that you are encouraging them to get or completely break down and share their pain with you. That is the cathartic moment that is necessary to begin the healing process.

listeningOnce they realize that they are not alone; that you won’t leave them alone; they can begin to deal with the issues outside of just their own mind. Talking things out can make all of the difference. Just hearing someone else say “It’s OK. Let it out. You’ll be OK” can make all of the difference. In fact, just hearing themselves, get it out to someone else does wonders. It takes the huge burden of hiding the pain off their shoulders.

When you were a child you’d run to Momma with your pain and she would make it all better with a kiss and a hug and maybe a Band-Aid for your boo-boo. As adults we need to be able to turn to our loved ones or friend for that hug and Band-Aid for our emotional boo-boos. That’s what friends are for, if we allow them to play the role. True friends make us let them play that role.

So, there are two bottom-line thoughts here. One is to not to become lonesome by trying to hold girls huggingeverything in; but, rather to seek out a friend or loved one to share the pain with. The second is to aggressively be that friend who is there for others, so that they can’t become lonesome in their misery. I’ll end today on this note –

“Never underestimate the difference YOU can make in the lives of others. Step forward, reach out and help. This week reach to someone that might need a lift”

― Pablo

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Posted by Norm Werner

Shake it off?

October 29, 2014

Taylor Swift’s new hit album 1989 has the hit song “Shake it off” on it and that song is currently all over the airwaves. Taylor is singing about “shaking off” the opinions or gossip of others, ostensibly about her, but in reality about all of her young fans – female and male. The underlying message is not to let the opinions of others get you down; just go on with your life as you are leading it.

Recent events in the sports world have certainly discredited the “shake it off” mentality, especially as itfootball player pertains to head injuries such as concussions. There are many other examples of athletes at all levels being told or encouraged to “shake it off” and “play through the pain.” None of that has proven to be good advice in the long run and we now have many,. many cases of former athletes who are now crippled or suffering dementia that was likely cause by trying to “shake it off” one time too many.

But, what about the emotional hits that we take in life? What about that rejection or that break-up or the loss of a loved one for whatever reason? Can we really shake them off? Is that good advice? I think not.

Just like we can and should seek medical help for a physical injury; an emotional blow is a shot to the head that needs attention and not something that you can just shake off by yourself. Physical blows caringmay leave marks or bruises on the body; but, emotional blows leave a bruise in our minds. There are many times consequences that go well beyond the body’s initial reaction to a physical injury, especially those involving the brain.

The same is true of emotional injuries, maybe even more so. Our minds are wondrous things that can take an initial emotional injury and blow it all out of proportions. Left to it’s own devices, our imagination can take what might have been a simple initial injury to our pride and ego and from that simple beginning  conjure up the worst, compound the initial injury and invents conspiracies to make it even worse. For some a snub or rejection, weather real or perceived, starts them out on the slippery slope towards depression.

So, what’s the answer for people who are reacting badly to an emotional bruise? I don’t think it’s found in the advice to “shake it off.” Perhaps that is the time to listen to this song by Wade Jacoby and then go find that friend. There have been any number of songs about friends being there when you need them. That’s what true friend are for – to be there when you need them.  So, don’t try to shake it off, athandshake least not alone. Find your friend. Have a wine, Go out dancing. Put the balm of happiness on your emotional wound. There is always tomorrow. There will always be a tomorrow; and, things will get better tomorrow. But, first you have to get there.

If you are the quiet and contemplative type who wants a slow peon to hope, listen to Michel Stipe of R.E. M. in their song “Everybody Hurts.”  However, if you are more of an energetic type and love a rousing call for hope and happiness try this song by Pharrell Williams – Happy.

The bottom line is not to try to just shake it off. Get help with it. Get with a friend and share. Have a good cry, then play the Happy song again and dig your way out of that hole. There’s no future in wallowing around down there.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Change is good?

October 25, 2014

“The main danger in this life are the people who want to change everything…or nothing.”  (Nancy Astor) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog

We live in a world of constant change, yet there are many things that we try to keep the same. Back at the end of September I wrote a post titled “Change is Good.” In that post I did opine that change just for change sake isn’t necessarily good. Today’s saying seems to point out that those who are overly change oriented or those who resist any change are both at the wrong ends of the spectrum. It is frustrating for those at those polar opposite positions if they happen to be members of the same organization – one side pulling for massive change and the other digging in in resistance to any change.

I suspect that even the most diehard advocate of staying the same would begrudgingly admit that change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same forever. The ravages of age and wear eventually dictate change, just to keep from falling apart. Those who advocate wholesale change will also have to admit that maintaining some connection with the past is necessary to maintain identity, to be able to measure afraidthe differences in where you are going and where you have been. Even if the link to the past and the way things were is just symbolic, there is value in remembering and perhaps honoring that heritage. There is an old saying about what happens if we forget about our past.

I think the thing that scares people into resisting change the most is fear of the unknown. As bad as it may be right now, whatever state your organization (or life) may be in, it is at least a known thing. You understand it. You can get your arms around it. You can commiserate about it. Who knows how that new thing that is being suggested by the change-mongers will work out? What if it doesn’t work? Will we be worse off? The second thing that causes resistance is the pace of change. Why do we have to change so much, so fast? Couldn’t we just make smaller, more incremental changes? Sometimes there are no half-steps available. Getting a puppy to see how parenting might work out for you isn’t the answer; though it might get you more used to cleaning up poop.

One key to successfully navigating change in your organization and your life might be knowledge – taking the time to understand or explain the suggested changes – how things would be different and how they would work under the change; along with a clear and understandable explanation about the proposed steps to achieve the change and the plans to deal with any risks involved. Given a clear butterflies into the unknownexplanation that the resistors can understand and discuss openly will alleviate much of the fear of the unknown. There may still be disagreement about the need for the change, but that should also be covered as part of the discussion about the change process. Hopefully you can explain how things will get better because of the change, not just be different.

Any discussion of change ultimately focuses back on self and one’s ability to change themselves. Most often that focus is internal, on the attitude or outlook on life that you bring to the process and how to change that. There are tons of great books and articles that you can read and posters that you can hang on your wall about changing your attitude and becoming more positive. Just Google quotes about change.  I think the key thought is summed up nicely in this quote –

“I hope everyone that is reading this is having a really good day. And if you are not, just know that in every new minute that passes you have an opportunity to change that.” – Gillian Anderson

So, have a great weekend or make the personal changes necessary to have one.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Fat, dumb; but, not happy…

October 24, 2014

There is an old saw in the vernacular – “fat, dumb and happy”. I doubt that “happy” should ever have been a part of that phrase and the dumb part would have been better served by the phrase “in elephant on scaledenial”.  I have been overweight (my preferred term for being obese, according to the scales used to measure these things) for a long time. So, in the vernacular I was fat, dumb and happy. In fact I was fat, in denial and unhappy.

About three months ago I finally decided to do something about my overweight state. I bought one of those diet drink plans, the ones where you substitute a diet supplement shake for 1 or 2 meals a day. I chose the Body by Vi supplement from Visalus, mainly because the lady who sells it is in the local Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce with me and it seemed to be as good as any. That helped get things started for me and works well.  I dropped some weight with it alone fairly quickly. I also reached a plateau fairly quickly and decided that I really needed to ad step two to the plan, which is adding exercise. So, a little over a month and a half ago, I joined the Anytime Fitness gym here in Milford. The lady who owns it is also in the Chamber with me and owns two other gyms on the east side of the area. She’s a great person to know and I felt really comfortable joining her gym.

I knew that I was out of shape, but how far out of shape was proven to me when Amy, one of the club fitness trainers, did my initial assessment on my first visit to the Anytime Fitness gym. Let’s just say that I had nowhere to go but up.  I have since been to the gym just about every day for about an hour. I probably need to do two-a-days for a while, but it’s a start and I’ve worked my way back to some level of fitness that is at least above the zombie-like level that I started at. I’m still huffing and puffing by the end of my workouts, but it takes longer to get to that state now. Every time I get too comfortable with the exercises on a machine I add an extras 5-10 pounds to the resistance to increase the workout intensity.

What I’ve also come to realize is that I’m way happier throughout the day, if I start it with a workout (likely due to the endorphins released during exercise). I have the luxury of having time in the mornings to go to the gym. It’s hardly ever crowded then and I can cycle through all of the machines at my own pace, with no waiting. That is one of the appeals of Anytime Fitness. I can also go there at any hour and I’ve discovered that there are times when it is literally empty, so I can get a quick workout in without any distractions or waiting for anything. They have those little alarm pendants that I could use to call for help if I ever needed it.

When I started this program I established several goals for myself. One is a weight goal, which I’m about half way to achieving. When I get to my weight goal, it will be the first time that I’ve been at that weight since John F. Kennedy was in the White House. For those too young to remember that, it was a long time ago – before I discovered beer in college and began working on turning my six-pack into a keg. The second, and likely more important goal, is to get off all of the medications that I’d been taking to deal with my type II diabetes. I can happily report that I’ve also achieved a part of that goal and my A1C blood sugar level has dropped 2 full points. I got to drop one of my meds at my last check-up and will likely get to drop the rest at the next visit.  I plan to keep at it until I get off all of the meds.
ugly mirrorOf course, the longer term goal is to keep the extra weight off and to maintain a healthier lifestyle, including regular exercise. I’m not in this for any ego driven desire to look like Adonis. I’m too old for that anyway. The real goal is to live as natural a life as possible, without lots of medications. Like many, when I was in my denial phase, I fooled myself to thinking that anything for which there was a pill was OK to live with. Not so! Things like Type II Diabetes lead to other things like high blood pressure, eye problems and many other health issues. None of those are things to be happy about, even with pills; or conditions with which one really has to live.

Every morning, when I hit the gym, there is another old dude (like me) there walking or exercise cycling away. He too is trying to work his way back into shape to avoid having any meds prescribed. We kind of lend encouragement to each other and I wish him well on his efforts. He was happy to hear that I got off one of my meds due to the work that I’ve been putting in. I hope he makes his goals, too. I’m sure he will because he is as dedicated to being there every day as I am. Anyway, I just thought that I’d share this little bit of my life. Now I can say that I’m slimming down, more intelligent about my health and definitely happier. I’m on a journey that beats that old saying all to hell.

Have a great and healthy day!

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Posted by Norm Werner

Are you a dreamer?

October 21, 2014

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer.”  (Harriet Tubman) – as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

You could easily extend today’s thought by also stating that “every great idea began as someone’s dream.”

Dreams allow us the freedom to explore the unknown, imagine things that don’t exist, solve intractable problems, achieve impossible goals, and accomplish the impossible. Dreams remove the barriers of logic. Sometimes that allow emotions to run wild, but most times they just feed off the imagination and then go beyond what can even be imagined.

women dreamingSome believe that dreams are a waste of time; but sometimes dreams are the only way to completely let go of the artificial barriers that conventional thinking or common knowledge have erected. Sometimes it takes a long time for dreams to be realized. Leonardo Da Vinci dreamed of men flying in machines that would allow them to be like birds centuries before the Wright brothers finally realized his dream. Sometimes a dream is more like a wish made when you are not awake. Whatever you dream is something that exists somewhere in the back of your mind and perhaps something that you will turn from a dream into a mission and finally into a reality. Don’t dismiss your dreams, embrace them. They are allowing you to escape from whatever limitations you have placed upon yourself.

What do you dream about? Places? Things? People? How do your dreams affect your life when you man daydreamingawaken? Are they quickly forgotten or do you pursue them? Do you feel a sense of loss or a sense of having not completed something or accomplished something in your life because you did not follow your dreams? It’s never too late. If you have a dream, follow it; do something about it. Maybe you’ve just dreamed up “the next big thing.” Maybe you’ve just dreamed about your next great vacation or meeting Mr/Ms. Right. See how easy that was; now go make it happen.

Are you a dreamer? Why not turn those dreams into a reality?

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Posted by Norm Werner

What songs get to you ?

October 20, 2014

“Science cannot tell us why an old song can move us to tears.”  (Erwin Schrödinger) – a quote seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

metal rockerWe all tend to have certain songs that can evoke strong emotional reactions – sometimes happy and sometimes very sad, but almost always involving someone else who immediately comes to mind. Many couples have what they call “our song”; some song that they associate with a special time in their relationship; maybe a first dance or their wedding dance or a first date. Many people also have very sad songs that cause long suppressed emotions of loss or a time in their life that they’d rather be able to put behind them. For me, the Paul McCartney song “Yesterday” is an especially strong emotional trigger that immediately takes me back to my college days – yes the song really is that old – and the loss of my first true love in college.

I am also fortunate to have many great songs that kick off the happy memories of meeting the eventual great love of my life (48 years of happy marriage this year), such as “Hang on Sloopy”, by the McCoys and “(You’re My) Soul And Inspiration”, by the Righteous Brothers. It was the Golden era of early rock and roll and we partied hearty in those days. There are many songs from that era that can make us both smile.

What songs move you? Which ones bring a smile and which cause tears to whelm up in your eyes? Science can’t explain why, but I’ll bet you have some good stories behind the reactions.

Some movies (whether big screen or made for TV) have the same impact. There are few, if any, men who can watch the made for TV movie Bryan’s Song without reaching for a tissue. The same is true of some movies that might have been thought to appeal to women only. Love Story, Ghost, and perhaps even Brokeback Mountain are great examples. There is just something about such movies that reaches into us and pulls at some strings in our hearts or dredges up long lost memories in our minds and causes our reactions.  Science can’t explain it, but I think we can. Those are reactions that are causes by memories of things on our own lives of great joy or great pain or sense of loss.  We aren’t really crying about what we see on the screen or hear on the radio; we’re reliving a similar moment in our own lives.

So long as we are able to have that quick cry and then move on, back in the present and not stuck in the past, we are OK. It’s good for us let it out every now and then; but only if we can then move on.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Work Hard – Play For Fun

October 18, 2014

Work Hard. Play Hard. – as seen at the gym

I joined our local Anytime Fitness of Milford Gym a couple of months ago and have been going practically every day to work out. It’s part of a programs that I’ve put myself on to lose weight and get off what meds I take. I enjoy going for my workouts each morning and the results are starting to show. The other morning I noticed today’s little saying in the signage that the gym has on the front of the building – Work Hard, Play Hard.

That seems too attuned to personality type “A” people. I’d rather Work Hard; But Play For Fun. Life is too short to turn everything into hard work. There certainly are professional athletes for whom
baseball playerplaying a game is their work. Our weekend TV is full of pro-sport programs of all sorts. Even things that one might not initially associate with professionalism and hard work, like skateboarding or ping pong have pro circuits and many have their own TV coverage as well. While the professional athletes may have to work hard at it, even they will occasionally say “It’s only a game”, during an overly serious interview. Most of the really great pro athletes will still tell you that they play the game for the love of the game and it is just icing on the cake that they are well paid to do so.

Back to my philosophy – Work Hard, But Play For Fun. I think it is really important that one have activities – sports, hobbies, whatever – that they do just for fun. These are things that they can relax and enjoy. They are also things in which the participants usually don’t get all hung up on winning or losing. Fishing might be a good example. You’re outdoors, enjoying nature and able to clear you mind from most other things as you mentally try to figure out where to cast your line and how to play it in to attract fish. If you get fish that doesn’t mean that you won and they lost, any more than if you comefishermen home empty handled. It’s more about your imagined skills as a good fisherman. Yes, I know that there are also professional fishermen and event they have TV shows; but, for most of us, fishing would be a relaxing and non-competitive sport.

The concept of Work Hard Play Hard, it seems to me, is counterproductive to the very reason that we turn to play to begin with – to relax from a hard day’s (week’s) work. If you cannot let go of that winner-loser, zero sum game mentality, then how can you relax? There are lots of sports that don’t necessarily involve direct competition, or at least they don’t require that. Many of them, such as golf, pit the player against the course. Of course, when you start playing those sports with others the fact that you do keep score makes the game immediately lady golfercompetitive, if you let it. When you play alone, the only person that you can get mad at is yourself, which could result in many broken clubs.

The alternative is to play at whatever you are doing for relaxation just for fun. That is difficult for most of us because we tend towards measuring ourselves against something; whether it be an established standard or the results that someone else achieved. We have this need to somehow measure and mark our progress in the game/sport/hobby. For many just keeping track of their personal best is enough. If the activity is too simple and we quickly master it we just and quickly lose interest in doing it. Imagine a game where getting to a score of 100 was the best that you could do and you got there after just a few rounds of playing at it. Would you continue to play that game?

Hobbies can provide the perfect outlet for our need to relax and have fun. One nice thing about most hobbies is that one can master the skills needed for the hobby, but the challenge always remains to use those skills to create something else, collect something else or observe something else. The wood workerchallenge is in the execution and not achieving some set goal. There is also always the challenge of developing new skills or perhaps taking the hobby in new and unexpected directions.

So there is worth in the activity continuing to pose a challenge for you to be better at it. Once you see that it has that challenge and figure out where you are in the scoring scale, I can almost guarantee that you’ll try to find someone else who engages in the same activity, so that you can compare yourself to them. It’s at that point where you have the choice to continue the activity because it is fun for you, or turn it into work because you “need” to be better at it than others. Choose wisely at that junction; otherwise your play will become hard work. I chose not to turn my fun into more hard work.

It’s a weekend and you’ve worked hard all week; so, play for fun and relax! I’ve got to run off to the gym now and see if I can top my personal best on some of the machines.

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Posted by Norm Werner

What makes you happy?

October 16, 2014

From the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”  (Wayne Dyer) What makes you happy?  In the movie, “The Jerk,” Steve Martin needs his dog to make him happy.  But the dog growls at him and runs away.  Sometimes the happiness we seek is not the happiness we need.

man with questionHappiness can be an elusive state in our lives, especially if we have wandered off into the weeds, in terms of how we define what makes us happy. So many of us get caught up in, and go along with, happiness being somehow defined based upon achievements and awards or perhaps possessions and pay scale. In truth, happiness has nothing to do with any of those things. Today’s quote by Wayne Dyer points to the correct place where happiness is achieved – in your mind and in your way of thinking.

There are people (even in America) who can be found sitting beside the road with absolutely nothing to their name – no big, showy possessions, no prestigious titles or awards, nothing – who are happy because the day was warm, they found enough empties to return to make money for dinner and they are watching a beautiful sunset. Are they crazy? No; they’re just happy.  Why? Because happiness is within them and they allow it to come out.

So; want separates us from that state of happiness?  It is all in our minds and in the conditioning that we have grown up with ibn our materialistic society. Who decided that you shouldn’t be happy until you have what “the Jones” have? They did. Who said that you can’t be happy unless you get that big promotion? They did. Who said that you won’t be happy unless yo marry the richest guy or the prettiest girl? They did. Who are they? Have you always assumed that they were the happy people that you were trying to be like? Do “they” really exist; or, are they just another figment of your imagination?

One begins to see the truth in life as one gets a bit older.  The bigger house didn’t really bring the level of happiness that was expected. The bigger, faster, fancier car was great, but it too failed to bring true happiness. After a while the realization sets on that true happiness is facing new dayfound within and in relationships with others and not in possessions or titles or prizes. Waking up in the morning makes you happy at some point in your life.  Making it through the day is cause for more happiness. And being surrounded by and being able to interact with those that you love makes you really happy. It is somehow ironic that only at the closing stages of live do you really appreciate life itself. Before that you take in for granted. Only when you begin to sense the end do you begin to appreciate the present and find happiness in just being a part of it.

What makes you happy? Do you think that getting that next possession is the key for you?
How about getting that bigger house or that new car? Are they you key to happiness? If you think so, go back to the top and re-read. Happiness is a state of mind that starts with being content with what you have, because you realize that having things is not nearly as important happy faceas having loved ones. So; start being happy today by refocusing on what is really important in life – the people you love and who love you.

 

Have a great day and be happy!

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Posted by Norm Werner

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