Be the thermostat in someone’s life…

December 19, 2013

“You’ve got to be a thermostat rather than a thermometer.”  (Cornel West) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Jack went on to say a little about being the agent that helps cool down heated situations or warm up chilled relationships. I suspect that this is also what Cornel West had in mind when he coined that phrase.

thermometerWe all act much of the time in the role of the thermometer, reflecting the heat of the moment or reacting to a cold shoulder or chilled relationship. It’s human nature to sense and react to things in our surroundings; however, it is an act of conscientious human concern to act more like the thermostat and adjust what is going on in the environment to bring it more in line with the normal.

Things can get heated quickly, whether it’s an argument that gets out of hand or perhaps just a misunderstanding that is carried too far. One can move from slightly miffed to angry all too quickly if there is nothing to moderate the situation. That’s where the person acting like a thermostat comes into play. Someone who can step in and bring the cooling voice of reason to a situation is often the only thing that prevents anger from boiling over into actions or words that would be long regretted by all involved. In many cases the words have already been uttered and neither side can find a way to apologize or take them back.

In situations of chilly or cold relationships, the thermostat provides that spark of warmth to thaw the situation out and allow love back into the equation. People don’t naturally dislike or hate others; they may getthermostat into situations where something – an act or maybe a perceived snub (real or imagined) – puts a chilly barrier between them and someone that they love(d). Sometimes people get trapped by those icy barriers and can’t find their way back. A third party, acting as a thermostat, can provide the initial warmth to melt the barrier and perhaps provide the spark to rekindle the love that was there at one time.

There’s another way to look at this role and that is one that is well defined in a recent series of ads for HAP (Health Alliance Plan) on TV in which a lady who is a HAP Customer Services Rep defines her role in talking to HAP customers as a problem solver – “a human aspirin” as she puts it. She takes away their headaches over healthcare issue. The thermostat role is sort of like a human aspirin role in pained human relationships.

I suspect that the biggest roadblock for most is a reluctance to get involved. It is easier to say, “That’s their problem, let them work it out. I don’t want to seem to be a busybody.” You are willing to just observe the heat or the cold between the parties (or between yourself and someone else, but not to take any action to help).  That’s taking the thermometer approach.

At that moment when you are ready to just take the temperature of things in a situation, but not act; maybe you should ask yourself, “If it were me in this situation, would I want someone to help? If I was in danger of losing the loving relationship with a friend, a wife, a bother or mother or father over this issue or misunderstanding; would I want someone to intercede and help work this out?” You’re not being a busybody; you’re being a true friend – a thermostat in this person’s life. So, be the thermostat and not just the thermometer.

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Posted by Norm Werner

DIY only of you are capable…

December 16, 2013
DIY Stock Image By cooldesign

DIY Stock Image
By cooldesign

I see many homes that the owners would like to sell that have terrible Do-It-Yourself (DIY) jobs that were botched by the homeowners themselves. In general the bigger and more complex the job is, the more a normal homeowner should reconsider a DIY approach.

Painting a room is simple enough and many homeowners can handle that task; however, for some even painting is a challenge. For most other jobs in the home you should ask yourself several questions before tackling the task:

1. Do I have the necessary tools?  Many jobs that you see professionals doing also involve professional tools that the normal homeowner likely doesn’t have. If your toolbox consists of a hammer, a couple of screw drivers and a pair of pliers; then almost all of the jobs in your home should be farmed out to professionals.

2. Do I have the necessary skills? Even if you took a Saturday class at Home Depot on how to install tile around a bathtub; think twice (maybe thrice) before tackling such a highly visible and difficult job. Maybe you can put tile down in your small laundry room to test your skills. At least it is not in a highly visible area if you mess it up. Don’t try your skills first in your front foyer.

3. Do I have the time and patience? Most DIY jobs that homeowners attempt will take far longer than initially planned (or what the guy at Home Depot told you it would take) and many will offer challenges to your patience and persistence. If you have any Attention Deficit Disorder left in you from childhood, DIY projects can be very frustrating.

4. Do you have a good sense of style? Sometimes called fashion sense, this is your ability to put colors or shapes together in a way that is pleasing to the eye, not jarring or glaring. This is a tough one for many, since few people have a good feel for their own sense of fashion or style. Some have a sense of style, but it is so off-kilter that it puts off others. I have often seen what passes for a sense of Victorian Style in some homeowners turn into nightmarish jumbles of colors and eclectic furniture pieces.

Obviously all of these requirements for a good job can usually be assured by hiring professionals to do the design and installation work for whatever project one has in mind. Sure, it’s more costly to have a pro do the job; however, in the long run it may actually save you money, when it comes time to sell. Would be buyers make lists (mental or otherwise) of all of the things that they will need to tear out and redo. Most of the time those are lists of things that were poorly executed DIY projects. That list of projects for the buyer drives their offer pricing, since they subtract those costs from what they might have offered, had the jobs been done right at the time.

The other issues on some projects are health and safety. Many DIY projects that involve tackling the home’s electrical or plumbing systems can result in either, or both, health or safety issues. Improperly installed electrical outlets or switches can be a fire or shock hazard. Plumbing that is not properly installed almost always leaks and those leaks can cause many problems, such as mold.

Getting back to the simple task of painting a room; even this little DIY job has a whole list of skills and tools and sense of fashion involved that may be beyond the average homeowner. Certainly, just the prep work that should be done before the brush or roller ever touched any paint will test your patience and persistence. It takes professional painters years of practice to be able to use a brush to paint along the wall-ceiling interface of around a window frame in a nice straight line, without overlapping from one surface to another. Most DIY’ers use painter’s masking tape; which is OK if you get a good quality tape and have the patience to apply properly. I see messy looking DIY paint jobs all the time in houses that the owners were trying to prep for sale.

So, am I saying that the homeowner should never do it themselves? No! I am saying that the homeowner needs to take stock of their inventory of tools, skills, mental state and fashion sense before tackling each job that they see needs to be done. Homeowners are all over the spectrum in those four categories. If you have all four for the task at hand, go for it. If not, call a pro. You’ll be happy that you did and some future buyer of your home will be, too.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be the Daffodil…

December 12, 2013

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”  (Albert Camus) from  http://www.jackswinningwords.blogspot.com/ .

The allusion to winter and summer is often used in literature when the authors are writing about good and bad times in life. We all have our “winter” times in life. It might be a time when a loved one has died or perhaps it is a time when one has lost a job and can’t see another on the horizon. Sometimes we create our own winter by letting our imagination run away with us, turning a minor issue into a huge problem. In some cases there appears to be medical reasons why some people’s brains take them off into winter. Those cases can often be help by proper medications.

For those non-medical reasons that cause us to slip into a wintry mood, we need to pause and try to find that invincible summer that is there within us all. We may have to make an extraordinary effort, but it is there.  The invincible summer is that spark of hope and faith and optimism that, if allowed to grow and flame-up within us, can get us through anything. In some cases it will be based upon faith. In some hope will provide the spark and in either case optimism will fan the spark into a flame that will drive away the darkness and cold of your winter.

Daffodil Blooming Through The Snow Stock Photo By -Marcus-

Daffodil Blooming Through The Snow Stock Photo
By -Marcus-

The images conjured up by winter are cold and darkness and perhaps loneliness. Summers bring thoughts of warmth and sunlight and good times with friends and family. I recall every Spring, when winter is giving way to summer, photos that I have seen and used in advertising over the years of a hardy little Daffodil peeking out from a snow drift, bringing its bright yellow message of hope for summer, even in the midst of winters last snowy gasp. That invincible little Daffodil is the harbinger of the summer ahead.

Perhaps you can find a Daffodil in the midst of your winter; or, better yet, be the Daffodil that brightens up someone’s wintry day and gets them started back towards summer. Taking the time to reach out to someone that you see needs help finding summer in their life can also brighten your life and help you through your own wintry periods.

So, peak out from beneath the snow of winter and let your invincible summer shine through. Be the Daffodil and bring summer on.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Looking for your incredible moment…

December 9, 2013

From the blog Jack’s Winning Words comes this quote –  “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.”  (Carl Sagan).  Jack went on to talk about all of the incredible things that are happening or about to happen, such as commercial spaceflight, robotic surgery, and Amazon using robo-helicopters to deliver packages.

As I thought about it, I thought what about modifying the saying a little to read, “Somewhere, rainbowsomething incredible is waiting to happen for you.” If you go through life hoping for and expecting the best to happen, eventually they will. If you believe in people, in their basic honesty and integrity; you will not be disappointed most of the time. If you imagine and visualize the best outcome for whatever you are doing, it is surprising how many times you can make that come true. And, if you strive to find the silver lining in dark situations or the rainbow at the end of one of life’s storms, it is always there, waiting for you to find it.

 I keep a little compilation of quotes handy, in case I need inspiration for a blog post. A group of them are quotes by Robert Brault, a famous writer on optimism. One of my favorites is this one-

grim reaperOptimist: someone who notices a tall hooded figure with a scythe trailing him and thinks, “Boy, I’m sure glad I’m not a stalk of wheat.”

So, don’t be a stalk of wheat today. Be someone who takes every opportunity to find that incredible something somewhere that is waiting to happen in your life. You could just wait to stumble into it or you can look at everything in your life as possibly being that incredible moment and approach it with anticipation and enthusiasm.

One of the side benefits of being in that mood and mode is that it is contagious and those around you will see it and catch it and everyone will be a bit happier and better off because of your attitude. Maybe that is he incredible thing that you are going to do today. 

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Posted by Norm Werner

Now THAT was a gala!

December 8, 2013

I attended my first Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce Holiday Gala last night and it was a huge success. It is so nice to go to an event where everyone dresses nicely in fine gowns for the ladies and suits or tuxes for the gentlemen. We have become such an informal society that my wife and I have often been the only ones at a party at someone’s house who are not wearing jeans. We have nothing against jeans, but when someone goes to the trouble of entertaining in their home, it just seems that the attendees could show them the respect of dressing up a little (at least beyond jeans). A gala like last night’s is a welcome return to a more dressy occasion.

The Chamber Gala was held at 59 West and this was our first time in their banquet facility – very impressed with it. The room was decorated nicely and there were servers wandering around with goodies to eat, as well as a table full of hors d’oeuvres. The coconut shrimp and chick were delicious. The live band added a nice touch.

Two groups were doing fund raising at the event – the Huron Valley Council for the Arts (HVCA) and the Carl’s Family YMCA. The HVCA sold tickets for what was characterized as a “Chinese auction” in which tickets are placed in a bag and one will be drawn from each bag next week at the HVCA Winter Pops concert. The YMCA had a silent auction set up on tables at one end of the room, with lots of interesting things to bid upon. Unfortunately my bids did not hold up.

The main event of the gala was the presentation of the awards to the people chosen for various honors from the Chamber for 2013. I was fortunate enough o be chosen the 2014 Ambassador of the Year. I belong to a group of about 24 Chamber members who are called Ambassadors. We go to all of the events that the Chamber runs – Coffee Club meetings, ribbon cutting ceremonies, Off-the-clock evening events and the rest of the big events like the Easter Egg Hunt, the Milford Memories Summer Festival and the Crazy Putt-Putt event at the end of summer.   Our role as Ambassadors is part host and part matchmaker.  We serve as greeters for other Chamber members as they arrive and to try to make sure that no one goes un-introduced to the group, especially if they are a new member. I go to as many events as I can as an Ambassador.

The other awards were for the Chamber Volunteer of the Year, won by Gordon Muir, who runs the annual Chamber Golf Outing and volunteers for many other events; the Milford Memories Volunteer of the Year – this year shared by Todd Hibberd and Dave Janette (the Beer Tent guys) , the Business of the Year, which 2 Moms & a Mop, Owned and run by Kim Galbraith, and the Citizen of the Year, won by Dale Feigley, long time Milford resident and community activist who serves as President of the Milford DDA and on many boards and volunteer committees in both Milford and Highland Townships.

A central theme that resonated through the acceptance speeches given by the award recipients was what a great community the Milford area is to live in and what a great job the Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce is doing, especially the local Chamber staff. There are no other Chambers in this area that are more active and as well supported in the community than the Huron Valley Chamber. I’m proud to be qa member and proud to be able to represent it as a Chamber Ambassador.  I’m looking forward to a year full of events and opportunities to serve in 2014.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be great today and be happy about it…

December 7, 2013

“Just do what must be done. This may not be happiness, but it is greatness.” – George Bernard Shaw

I thought of this saying by Shaw after making yesterday’s post about Nelson Mandela and his life of making a difference in the lives of others.  As I wrote yesterday, many of the ways that we can all make a difference in the lives of others are very small and may seem inconsequential at the time; many are things that must be done.

I disagree with part of Shaw’s second sentence. I believe that one can find happiness is doing what must be done, even if what must be done is mundane or distasteful work. The best examples of finding greatness in doing what must be done are probably the countless family caregivers who toil away, many times in thankless environments, taking care of people who can no longer care for themselves. In most cases the patients are relatives and loved ones who may even be incapable of recognizing the effort involved and saying thanks. In some cases the people being cared for may even be hostile or nasty towards their caregivers. That can make what must be done even harder.

One must try very hard sometimes to find the happiness that come out having done a thankless job well. I guess we call that self-satisfaction. I have not been put in the position of being a caregiver very often and certainly not for extended periods of time. On those occasions, when the job was done for the day or week or whatever, I have found it to be a very warm and pleasant feeling of accomplishment that is very different from that of having finished a task or project at work.

I am reminded as I write this of the life of a very famous caregiver to the poor of India – Mother Teresa, the Catholic Nun who founded a religious order in India to help the poor. Who can ever forget thet frail looking little woman (now well on her way to Sainthood) who happily toiled away everyday of her adult life doing what must be done for the poor in her care. That was greatness.

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Posted by Norm Werner

He made a difference and you can too…

December 6, 2013

“What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.” ― Nelson Mandela

That saying by Nelson Mandela epitomizes how he lived his life and the legacy of his struggles for freedom and democracy in South Africa that he leaves behind will forever be a testimony to the differences he made in the lives of others. I have been fortunate enough to have lived during the time of at least three great civl rights leaders  who made significant differences in the lives of their people – Mahatma Gandi, Dr. Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela.

Most of us will never be involved in such public and important efforts or movements and certainly not in  starring roles; however, every one of us will many opportunities, perhaps each day, to make a difference in someone’s life. Think of all the little things that you do or could do to help others. Things as small as holding a door open or dropping a dollar into the red kettle outside a store make a difference. Sharing a kind word with someone or reaching out to someone who is ill or depressed or just lonely, makes a difference.

There are so many opportunities all around us to do things that make a difference in our communities – food banks and food delivery services for the needy or shut-in that need volunteers, pet rescue services, counseling services and fostering or mentoring services for children, the list goes on and on. Mandela had another saying that was featured in this morning’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog –

“We must realize that the time is always ripe to do the right.”  (Nelson Mandela)

The fact is that the only thing holding you back from making a difference in lots of people’s lives is you. If you want to make a difference get up and get out and do it. Nelson Mandela made a difference in the lives of others and you can, too.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Christmas Open House at the Museum

December 2, 2013

museumOn Dec 8, the Milford Historical Society will be hosting a  Christmas Open House from 12 noon until  4 PM at the Milford Historical Museum 124 E. Commerce St. Visitors will see the Museum decorated for the holidays,  listen to Victorian Christmas carols and Victorian Story-telling, and taste Victorian treats. Shop various crafted items and museum gifts for the holidays! Experience Christmas the way it used to be way back when.

The perfect Christmas gift for any resident of Milford is a copy of the book “Ten Minutes Ahead of the Rest of the World”, the history of Milford from its founding through the turn of the century. If you’ve ever wondered about life in the pioneer days or the mid-century 1800’s, when Milford was just getting started, this is a great read. It also has the histories of most of the historic homes in the Village – who built it and when and who was the first owner. The book has great pictures of homes and life in Milford during the 1800’s, as well as the great stories. Read about the great bank failure in Milford and who absconded with the money. Read about the first settlers in Milford and where they came from. It’s a must have book, if you live in Milford.

Tours of the Museum will be conducted by costumed docents  and the museum’s living areas will be decorated in the style of the periods that they depict. The museum’s second floor features a living room, dining room kitchen and bedroom all furnished as they might have been back in the 1800’s, along with displays of the toys of that era and lots of photos of Milford in the 1800s.

In addition to the sights to see, there will be old time caroling and treats to taste from the Victorian era (all freshly made of course).  A cookbook that contains the recipes for many of the treats and more will also be on sale. There are picture books, T-shirts and other items for sale in the Museum store.

So, come share a bit of Milford’s history, be entertained and have a snack while you shop or take the tour of the upper floor.  If you’ve never been to the Museum, this is a perfect opportunity. Admission is free, although we do request that you make a donation to the Museum, if you are able.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Weekend update – Christmas kick-off…

November 30, 2013

Today is the Christmas Parade in Downtown Milford. The parade is organized by the Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce (HVCC) and is one of the “Big 3” parades in Milford during the year. The other two are the Memorial Day Parade and the 4th Of July Parade.

I’ll be in the parade today as an honoree, having been named the HVCC Ambassador of the Year. That means riding in the back of a convertible, which will be a very chilly, albeit, at a parade-time temperature of about 30 degrees, still a heartwarming experience. The parade steps off at 10 am and winds through the downtown. Afterwards stick around in Milford and shop the local shops on Small Business Saturday. They have some great sales going on today.

santaSanta will arrive in Milford at the Christmas Parade to officially kick off the Christmas season (notwithstanding the fact that many stores had Christmas stuff on display before Halloween). Santa will be a busy guy with many personal appearances in the Milford area.

On Dec 5th the downtown merchants will host an open house with visits to Santa for the kids, strolling music and refreshments.  Santa will also be holding forth on Dec 7 and 15 at the Pettibone Creek Powerhouse on West Canal Street (north end of Central Park) for Pet Pictures with Santa. A donation of pet food to Community Sharing is all that’s required to get your pet’s picture taken with Santa either day. You’ll get the picture on thesanta-paws spot. Click here to view the poster for this event. Santa will also host Snacks with Santa out at Kensington Metropark at the Farm Center at 10 AM, noon and 2 PM on Dec 7 & 8. Tickets for that event are $10. Preregistration Required Call 810-227-8910 to order your tickets.

Speaking of pet pictures, the 2014 Pet Calendar, also sponsored by the Community Sharing Pet Pantry makes a great Christmas gift that will bring a smile to the face throughout the year. The calendar is only $10 and you can buy the calendar at several locations in Milford. Click here for the flyer with locations.

The gallery opening of the fourth annual Festival of Trees Holiday Artist Market, presented by HVCA’s The Art Shop, opens with a reception Friday, Dec. 7; it will start at 7 p.m. with the Kettle and Friends holiday concert running simultaneously at Huron Valley Council for the Arts, 205 W. Livingston Road in Highland. Tickets are $15; purchase them online at huronvalleyarts.org or in person at HVCA. Guests will have the chance to enjoy wine and appetizers as well as the concert’s holiday selections and get first crack at the holiday market’s wares. Click here for more information about the event and the market. The market will be open until 9 p.m. and during regular gallery hours through Saturday, Dec. 21. Doors open at 6:30 p.m. for the concert. Gallery hours for Festival of Trees Holiday Artist Market take place from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesdays through Fridays and from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Saturdays. For more information, call HVCA at 248-889-8660.

HVCA Holiday Pops COncert posterOn December 13th the Michigan Philharmonic Orchestra comes to the area for a Holiday Pops concert at the Walled Lake Northern Center for Performing Arts. Click here for more on this event. General Admission tickets are $15 for this concert with starts at 7:30 PM.

As always, to stay up to date on all of the events in the area, check in often at www.movetomilford.com where the calendar of events is updated daily.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Small Business Saturday in Milford…

November 29, 2013

Nestled between Black Friday and Cyber Monday is a relatively new named shopping day – Small Business Saturday. This Shop Small day was originally an American Express promotional idea that has taken on an identity of its own. The basic idea and thrust behind this can be summed up in another oft heard phrase – Shop local or there won’t be any local.

The danger to small local businesses has never been greater. The small retail shops that make up the Main Street stores of America are under tremendous pressure from both the big box stores and from the Internet. There is just no way for your local toy store or clothing store or shoe store to compete on price with the big box stores. Instead many emphasize that they have products that you just won’t find in the big box stores or they may have more selections of specific brands. They also provide much more personalized service and in most cases are closer and easier to get to than the big mall stores.

Milford has one of the few remaining small town downtown areas that is still full of useful stores – Main Street Signstores that sell things other than knick-knacks or antiques.  One can still shop in Milford for clothing and shoes, in addition to toys and jewelry and candy and furniture and more. Sure, we have some nice knick-knack stores, too; but the point is that the downtown still provides a good, diverse shopping experience. The same cannot be said of many of the small towns on this side of Michigan.

The big box stores most often came in and positioned themselves just outside of the towns and villages, most of the time between two or three. Once they took hold, local downtown areas withered and many gave way to the trend to turn the quaint old downtown buildings into antique stores or knick-knack boutiques. Milford was far enough away from the I-96 highway that the big box stores chose to congregate around to avoid some of that impact, but they still had and have an impact.

I think that the attractiveness of many of our restaurants also helps. When you have 2-3 destination restaurants (restaurants that people will drive for more than 5 miles to get to, because they are so good) it helps draw people to the downtown. They walk up and down the street, sometimes visiting the shops and sometimes just making note of shops that they want to come back and visit. It helps.

So this Saturday, Nov 30, after the Christmas parade at 10 AM, plan on staying in Milford for some santashopping. Many of the merchants will have special sales going for Small Business Saturday. Plan on coming back on December 5th when the local merchants will host a Christmas Open House, with strolling entertainment and refreshments provides by the stores. Bring the kids, because Santa will be here too. Get in the spirit of Christmas in small town America – It’s a wonderful life!

2 Comments | About Milford Michigan, Local Business Referrals, Local Events | Tagged: | Permalink
Posted by Norm Werner

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