On human nature…

June 14, 2014

“You really don’t understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around, and why his parents will always wave back.”  (William Tammeus) as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Merry go roundI’m not sure that I do understand this saying or maybe human nature. I can remember back to the times when our children were young and took merry-go-round rides. It seemed to me that they did wave the first few times around and of course we waved back; however, after a few times around they appeared to want to look more blasé about the whole thing or perhaps they had wandered off in their minds to that pretend place where these were real horses and they were real cowboys and cowgirls.

It certainly is human nature to wan t to be seen and recognized and to wan the attention of those that you love and that you know love you, too.  Locally, Channel 4 sports caster, Bernie Smilovitz, does a shtick that he calls “Hey, Hey Look at Me. Over Here, Look at Me”, which features funny video clips about people calling attention to themselves.

Even those seemingly shy people who appear to want to be left alone in the corner really do appreciate someone taking the time to talk to them; they just don’t have the confidence to initiate the contact. It is human nature to desire interaction with others and that desire often goes unrequited in those who cannot summon up the courage to even say “Hi”, much less to initial a conversation. That’s too bad, because many of them have very interesting backgrounds and would be fascinating to talk to.

I am not by nature one of those outgoing people who seemingly engages everyone in a room in casual conversation. However, in my role as an Ambassador for the Huron Valley Chamber of Commerce I go to a lot of Chamber functions, from coffee club meetings to mixers and one of my duties as an Ambassador is to help newcomers to the Chamber get introduced around and meet other Chamber members.

I recall how intimidating it can be to walk into a room full of people whom I don’t know who are seemingly engaged in conversations with people in the room who are their friends. You can get that deer-in-the- headlights thing going on and just shrink back into t a corner. My role as an introductionAmbassador is to make sure that this doesn’t happen to new members attending their first events. We introduce ourselves those people as soon as we spot them and take them around, introducing them to others in the room. It also forces me to do things that I might otherwise not do, so I get a benefit, too.

I’m not sure what the difference is between those people that we all see as outgoing and social and the rest of us who aren’t always at ease in social situation but I suspect it has mainly to do with self- confidence. Those outgoing people are happy and confident about whom they are some maybe to the point of seeming somewhat egotistical; while the rest of us are probably self-conscious about some flaw or shortcoming that we think we have. That’s human nature.

Most of the time there is not going to be an Ambassador in the crowds that you may encounter; so you’ll have to figure out how to introduce yourself. Start before you get there by thinking quickly about the situation that you are getting into and what might be an appropriate self-introduction. In some situations, introducing yourself as your child’s mother or father might work best, in others settings relating who you are to your job might get things started and in yet others just starting out by stating that you are new to the group will encourage people to stop and introduce themselves and maybe take time to explain the group.  The point is that you may have to initiate the conversation and if you do so in a manner that immediately gives the others in the groups a way to relate to you. You’ll be surprised how quickly they will engage you in the conversation. That’s human nature, too.

Life is a little like that merry-go-round. You have to wave at it as it goes by and it will wave back.


Find happiness in the ordinary…

June 11, 2014

“Never get so fascinated with the extraordinary that you miss the ordinary.” (Magdalen Nabb) –  from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

How true that saying is. We have become a nation that tends to focus on events, either real or made up for television(and in a true perversion of the word called “realty” shows) and in the process we have become somewhat blasé about the ordinary things going on around us. In some big cities, such as New York or LA or Boston, residents have gone further and seemingly can ignore all but the most extraordinary things around them. Yet there is much to be observed and learned from the ordinary. I found the quote below that seems to sum up my thoughts quite nicely, especially as it concerns children.

“Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself.” ― William Martin, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

child fishin gin puddleInstead of looking for extraordinary things to do with your children every weekend, perhaps just sharing the ordinary with them is the best things to do. Go fishing or go watch a ball game. Sit and talk with them under a tree or take a walk through a local park and share the experience of nature with them.  There is more value in time spent together in pursuit of the ordinary than in all of the thrill rides and concerts around.

If it’s just you and your significant other share some time sitting on the porch (maybe in an old fashion swing) or just take a drive together with no particular destination in mind. It is during the time shared in these “ordinary” pursuits that real conversation can occur, not while you are at some special event. It is in those ordinary moments that hands reach out and the simple act of holding hands rekindles the original reasons that you are together.

I think that we don’t spend enough time considering all that is going on around us in our ordinary lives. If we did really look at the lessons to be learned or the opportunities to serve that are all around us, I suspect that we would agree with this quote from Mitch Albom –

 “You can find something truly important in an ordinary minute.” ― Mitch Albom, For One More Day

So, look around you at all of the ordinary things going on with an eye to seeing the meaning and importance of those things. You may be surprised that you see things that you’ve never seen before that have always been right in front of you. There is beauty to behold. There are needs to fulfill. There are opportunities to be explored. There are truly important things happening in your ordinary little life; don’t miss them. And don’t worry; the extraordinary will take care of itself without you.


It’s a new week – jump in, don’t limp in…

June 9, 2014

“Lose the anger, lose the attitude, lose the prejudice, smile more, stop feeling sorry for yourself, see the good in people, appreciate what you have, and go out and do something for someone else.”  (Jeff Brayton)

It’s Monday and time to jump into a new week ahead. Perhaps we should all print off this quote from Jeff Brayton and hang it next to whatever mirror we use before going out to face the day. That way we would all start off each week and day with the proper attitude and in the right frame of mind.

Monday’s have certainly been given a bum rap for some time, so it takes a special effort to get back into happy going to workthe grove and start the week out on a positive note. So, instead of taking the attitude of “Oh crap, it’s Monday and I have to go back to work again”; perhaps starting off with the thought, “Wow, I get another chance to succeed this week; I’ll make the best of that.” There have been no books on success that I know of that advised being grumpy and down on Monday mornings. There are lots of books with hang-over cures, but that’s a different issue.

The other key to Brayton’s quote is the last part. Do something for someone else. It’ll make them feel good and you’ll feel good, too. That can be as little as holding a door open for someone or picking up something that they’ve dropped. Sometimes just recognizing someone with a cheery “Hello” is enoughhappy greeting brighten up their day. Going beyond the perfunctory greeting and inquiring about them or their family shows that you care and for many (even the initially grumpy) that is important.

Grumpiness feeds upon itself; and schlepping along with your head down and exhibiting a foul mood becomes a self-reinforcing thing.  People will avoid you, rather than engage you. You may initially think that this is what you want (after all you are in a grumpy mood); however, most people really don’t want to feel alone or outcast.

If you go to work with your head held high and with a smile on your face and a warm greeting on your tongue, some may wonder what you had in your coffee this morning, but they’ll all want some of whatever it is, too. People like meeting happy people, not downers. A wonderful side-benefit of all of this is how great it will make you feel, even if you had to fake it to start. A second benefit is the energy that happy winneryou’ll gain from interacting with others, especially other cheerful people.

So, put on a happy face and jump into a new week. This is your week to excel. This is your day to meet new people, have new experiences and reach new goals. Go for it.


Take a risk today…

June 3, 2014

“If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained.”  (Neil Gaiman), as seen on my favorite daily blog feed from Jack’s Wining Words.

Are you the type that goes home and feels good that nothing happened at work today? If so, you are probably hiding from life and well as from things at work. Life and well as work, is full of risks that surrounded by sharkspresent themselves for you to take or to demur. The key to success in work and in life is knowing how to evaluate those risks and how to choose to take the right ones.

Like investing your money, life has very safe, low-risk avenues available that also present very little return. You can sock your savings away in safe investments, like a CD at the local bank and earn 1% or less with basically no risk; or you can jump into the stock and bond markets in an informed way and earn substantially more, with only moderate risk.  Life presents many similar choices. There are those who never take a risk, preferring the safety of a boring but safe routine; and then there are those who seem to live life to the fullest, even if there are a few risks involved. Which life are you leading?

Of course there are many shady or speculative investments that one could make with their money, especially if they get reedy or reckless. Most of them promise spectacular returns that seem too good to be true – and they are. People who jumped onto the high return bandwagon that Bernie Madoff was pitching are still wondering where their money went.

The same is true in life. Many people succumb each day to the allure of a quick, artificial high on drugs or the promise of good times on alcohol. Many people die each day from trips gone awry or poor decisions made while drunk. There is no lasting return from either drugs or booze, so find a way to have fun without either. You’ll be surprised how much fun the people who don’t get stoned or drunk are having.

Having covered some of the cautions, one is still better off being a bit of risk taker in life than hiding out on limbfrom life in hopes of living forever (spoiler alert: it’s never been done). So, let go of some of your fears and take a few risks in life. Talk to the person whom you’ve been dying to meet, but were afraid to approach. Go to that party or bar that your friends are all talking about and allow yourself to have a good time. You don’t have to drink or do drugs to have a good time.

Good times, aside; there are many risks in life that are worthwhile taking –

  • going back to school to get a degree that will allow you to get a better job
  • traveling to a foreign land to see and experience different cultures
  • buying that convertible instead of another bland four-door sedan
  • asking the boss for that long overdue raise
  • finally popping the question on the soul mate that you’ve been dating
  • taking that tandem sky dive that you’ve been dreaming about
  • jumping into (or back into) the dating pool or signing up at a match-maker site

The key is to take enough time and to have enough information in order to make wise decisions and yet not to over-analyze or over-think every decision. Some people see every opportunity as a win-lose situation. They sit there and visualize the negative – I asked for the date and got turned down, so I lost. Try to see the same scenarios in a win-win light – I got turned down for the date this time, but at least I asked and now she/he knows that I exist. I’ll figure out how to do better next time. Life is not a zero sum game, it is additive and you just added to your store of knowledge. You tried something and even if you failed it didn’t kill you and you can go on. Isn’t that better than going home without trying and wondering what might have been or beating yourself up for not trying? As John Maxwell put it – “Sometimes you win.  Sometimes you learn.”

tightrope walkerYou have to value the learning from trying things and failing as much as you do the pleasure that you get it they turn out. Both add to your knowledge and eventually to your wisdom, but sometimes the knowledge gained from your failures make a stronger impression and add more to your problem solving abilities than the successes. After all, how many times do you take the time after a success in life to analyze what went right and how you got there? If you did, you might find the path to that success was paved with earlier failures and lessons learned (either yours or someone else’s who passed on their wisdom to you).

So, at the end of your day, can you look back and say, well that was fun; I tried; I took a risk and here’s what I learned? Congratulations, you have gained as a person. Now you can go to sleep[ tonight looking forward to the risks and opportunities that tomorrow will bring. Now go back and read my ealier post: Three Little Words -Just do it.


What’s in your Happy Book?

June 2, 2014

From Jack’s Winning Words“The Happy Book is about what makes you glad.”  (Rachel Kempster & Meg Leder)  The Happy Book is a book that you write for yourself.  One page is titled, “What makes you happy?  Maybe it’s….”  Or, “Your favorite smells, sounds, tastes…”  What are they?

The Happy BookI must admit that I hadn’t heard of The Happy Book before reading Jack’s post. I certainly hope they give you a pen or pencil with it, or maybe both (in case there are some things that you’ve not sure make you happy and which you may have to erase later).

One occasionally hears the phrase “imagine yourself in a happy place” when people are trying to calm down someone who is upset or distraught. I think it is important that we all have some “happy places” that we can get back to mentally when we need a boost or just relief from the stresses of the day.

It seems to me that the real appeal and magic of having a physical Happy Book is that it forces those thoughts back out of the recesses of your mind and brings joy and maybe a smile or a chuckle as you mentally relives happy moments in your life. To sample The Happy Book at the Barnes and Noble site, click here.

I suppose that we all have an internal Happy Book in the back of our minds somewhere; someplace that we store good memories and a place that we can get back to when we need to. Maybe your Happy Book memories are of a favorite vacation place or maybe a special event that you went to. Perhaps your Happy Book is full of memories of people that you are happy being around and with whom you have had fun and good times. Occasionally favorite food or meals will have a place in your Happy Book and certainly, if you’ve had pets there is a special section in your mental Happy Book for them, too.

With all of the curve balls and negative things that life can throw at you it is important to be able towomen dreaming open your internal Happy Book when you need it. One way to make that easier is to take some time each day thinking about the things and places and people that make your happy or that made you happy in the past. By reinforcing those happy memories you make them much easier to get back to when you need them. Then, when strife or sadness or despair start to close in on you; you will be able close your eyes and go to a happy place.

Maybe you should even start your day every day with a quick peek into your personal Happy Book; so that you start off on the right foot. And speaking of feet, I’ll bet there’s a place in your Happy Book that is chocked full of your favorite pairs of shoes. Drag a pair out and put them on; then you can have happy feet all day long, too.


Never surrender…

May 30, 2014

“We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated.”  (Maya Angelou), as seen on the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

There has been much written and said about poet Maya Angelou since her recent death. One of the legacies that she left was a strong message to women about their ability to overcome adversity in life and find the strength to succeed. Much has been written about the adversities that Maya overcame to rise to the level of internationally celebrated author, poet and actress.

I have written many times here about persevering and overcoming adversity and about learning from our mistakes and our failures in life. I like a saying that I saw recently from self-help guru Tony Robbins –

“No matter how many mistakes you make, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.”

I suspect that there was a lot of that advice hidden in Ms. Angelou’s quote. She refused to be defeated and kept on trying. She kept getting back up whenever life knocked her down and as she also is quoted as saying, she held her head high and walked tall.  She appears not to have measured her success in life in monetary terms or by the number of important people that she knew, but, rather by the level of self-confidence and dignity that she was able to maintain. She was very comfortable with herself and I’ve written about that, too.

I also believe that what Maya was really saying in her quote is the variation that is found in many quotes on that topic, like this one –

“It is inevitable that some defeat will enter even the most victorious life. The human spirit is never finished when it is defeated… it is finished when it surrenders.” – Ben Stein

Life is so full of little victories that we all take for granted that little defeats (little failures) sometimes get blown out of proportion. Sometimes, especially when we are tired to begin with, it is hard to summon up that extra effort or that added little bit of self-confidence that we need to get through a situation and we just want to give up. Defeats are not final until you let them be final by quitting. Defeats are just temporary set-backs unless you surrender to them. At times like that Maya’s quote would morph into :

“We may encounter many defeats, but we must never surrender.”

 – KCCO


Find your inner strength…

May 28, 2014

I haven’t posted for a few days, not because I had nothing to say, but because I wanted to let my post about Memorial Day stand for a while.

That said, it’s time to move on and find inspiration for our daily lives and what better source that the ultimate cool dude of our modern times – the Dalai Lama.

“When we meet real tragedy in life, we can react in two ways—either by losing hope and falling into destructive habits, or by using the challenge to find inner strength.”  (Dalai Lama)

We certainly all meet tragedies in our lives. Some we just remembered as we honored the fallen who served our country. In other cases it might be the death of a beloved parent or sibling or spouse. Sometimes it doesn’t involve death, but just really bad news or events (think fires and tornadoes). Whatever the tragedy, we must not let it pull us down into hopelessness and despair.

In searching for that inner strength many turn to their religious beliefs. There is probably no more positive and uplifting message for any occasion than that which can be found in the Bible. Religion, after all, is man’s answer to the things befalls us in this life that we cannot understand or control.

lady under cloudI’ve written several times about dealing with things that happen in life both big and small, so wander back through a few of those posts. A common theme is that the big scary things, sad or hurtful as they may be, don’t kill you and you must find a way to go on and that way is already within you – it is your inner strength. It is that thing that pulls you through when you think that you can’t go on. The Dali Lama calls it your inner strength. A pastor might call it the peace that passes all understanding. Some might call it guts. Whatever you call it, you must call upon it to get you through those tough times.  You’re still here. You’re still standing. You will go on. Don’t hang your head and look at your shoes; how it up and see the future.

There are many stories that come out every Memorial Day about those left behind in the wake of the tragedies of wars – the widows and children. There are also always stories of the great things that many of those widows and single moms accomplish after those tragedies. These are the women who found their inner strength and who not only met the challenge but went on to excel often establishing service organizations to help others going through tragedies of their own. They did not fall into despair, but, rather rallied into action.

So, how will you react to tragedies in your life? Will you fall into a mournful, “Woe is me” despair or find your inner strength and find some good to make of the situation? Finding your inner strength doesn’t make the hurt go away, but is does give you a better pain reliever that you’ll find in a bottle (of any sort). So, let’s end on another snippet from the Dalai Lama, taken out of the context of a longer quote…

…pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

To avoid suffering,find your inner strength.


Remember those who fell and those who served this weekend…

May 23, 2014

It’s Memorial Day Weekend; a time that younger people may see as a nice long weekend start to the summer season. It’s much more than that, of course; it is a time to pause, reflect and say thank you to the men and women who have served and are serving in our nation’s Armed Forces. We especially take time to remember those who sacrificed their lives in service to out country.

Memorial Day 4On Memorial Day there will be the traditional parade of veterans in Milford, Michigan, along with all of the hoopla that goes along with a modern parade – marching bands from the local schools, Military vehicles of all types, scout troops and more.

And then there are the veterans – hundreds of men and women from wars stretching back to WWII and forward to the actions in Afghanistan and Iraq of today, and covering all of the time in between.

Thousands of people line the streets of Milford, standing and applauding continuously as the groups marches by 2-abreast. As a marcher for the last few years, I can tell you that it is a great feeling to experience this outpouring of appreciation; especially so for us who march in the View Nam Veterans contingent. We had no such welcoming parades back then.

The Milford Memorial Day parade steps off from the VFW hall on W. Commerce St.at 11 AM and all veterans are
welcome to join the march. For those who cannot walk the parade route there are volunteer Jeeps for transport along the parade route.

There is another experience that I encourage you to have, if you have the time over the weekend – visit the Petpic88 Cemetery in South Lyon/Lyon Township at Milford Rd and 11 mile Road and pause to see the War Dog Memorial.

This cemetery has been in existence since the 1930’s but only in the last few years has it been reclaimed from the terrible condition that it was in and a monument to the K-9 heroes of several wars was enhanced. There are dogs buried in this cemetery that were in service as far back as WWII.

 

 
There are literally hundreds of pet buried in this location, both dogs and cats. There are also many dogs that pic90served overseas in our wars buried in the cemetery, including its newest hero Sgt. Mina, a veteran of 9 tours in Afghanistan and 2 in Bosnia. You can read Mina’s story by clicking here.

 

You can read the back story on this wonderful facility and the rescue effort that is still under way to reclaim this final pet resting ground from nature at their web site – Michigan War Dog Memorial. It had fallen on hard times and been forgotten for years when the current rescue group found it and started work in 2010. They have succeeded in cutting back enough of the overgrowth and cleaning up the area that you can now get an idea of the size of this place, which houses hundreds of pet graves. They’ve also added benches so that people can sit and contemplate these largely unsung heroes of our past wars.

It’s really a pretty awesome place and one that cannot help but bring back memories of some loved pet from longpic86 ago, or maybe a service dog, police dog or military dog that you knew.

 

 

To watch a YouTube video about the cemetery and the reclamation effort, click here.

Go to their Web site if you’d like to help with a contribution or volunteer to help with the continuing reclamation work on this unique cemetery.


Three little words – grow through life –

May 22, 2014

lToday’s three little words post was actually inspired by a longer saying:

“Don’t go through life, grow through life.”  – Eric Butterworth

It’s oh so easy to fall into a pattern of just going through life. One can easily fall into routines and find a comfort zone that required little growth mentally and emotionally. I believe that this leads to people getting prematurely “old”. They may not be old in years, but they’ve become stagnant and old in their outlook on life and they act like it. Their answer to “How’s it going?” is always, “Same ole, same, ole.” They become boring to know and to be around, because they never try new things. Even worse is that, left unchecked or unchallenged, this behavior becomes a self-reinforcing spiral into old age and withering away. Avoid that fate by committing to grow through life.

Do you know people like that? Are you becoming a person like that? Maybe yo already are a person like that. How do you escape this trap? The key it is be committed to growing throughout your life, not just going through life. people with booksThat continuous growth can take many forms. One of the easiest is to remain committed to learning new things. That doesn’t have to mean taking classes in a school all of the time; it can be as simple as committing to reading books and magazines and newspapers and Internet Blogs to keep up with what is happening around you. What is happening around the world right now? What is happening in the U.S. that might affect you? How about in your state or your town; what’s happening locally? Now that you know about more of these things, what are you doing about it? Once you commit to continued learning you are committed to grow through life.

Growing also means doing. People who are doing more than just mailing it in with their lives are usually busy people. They are out volunteering at church or with community groups. These are the people who make things happen, who run the local events in your community. They collect food and raise funds. They serve the homeless tutoringand protect the weak and abused. They build houses on the weekends. They tutor and mentor at-risk kids.These are the people that you wonder how they can do it all; all the while they are wonder how you can see the same needs and not do something. They aren’t just out there working; they have committed to grow through life.

A wonderful and reinforcing side-effect of all of the education efforts and work and service that these people do is that it brings them in contact with so many others who are also committed to growing. They meet a diverse cross-section of life and have experiences that broaden their perspective on things. They begin to understand other cultures and races better through a shared commitment to serving others. They grow emotionally and intellectually because of those experiences. They do not settle into a dull routine; they just don’t have time for that. Ask them and they’ll tell you that they can’t imagine not doing what they are doing, because volunteer builderthey have committed to grow through life.

So, you have a choice. Do you settle in where you are in life and stop learning or participating in the community activities that are around you; or, do you grab a new chuck of life every day, every week, every month and never stop learning, never stop moving, never stop helping. When you are gone will people really miss you because they knew that you’d always be there to help; or, will they hardly miss you, because they couldn’t remember that you were still alive. You will always be alive in people’s minds when you commit not to just go through life, but to grow through life.


What’s in your dreams?

May 21, 2014

“Dreams are the mirages of hope” – as seen in the Graffiti comic strip.

When I saw that on the comics page of the paper, I thought “how profound”; then I looked up the term mirage and thought some more about it. Dreams may be mental mirages – mere illusions that our sub-conscience plays out in our unguarded moments of sleep.

However, dreams can also be a fantasy achievement of our hopes; and as such they are not so much an illusion, butman daydreaming may be a road map concocted in our imagination to show us how to achieving those hopes. Dreams allow the constraints that we place upon ourselves to drop away. Fears that hold us back while we are awake can magically disappear in our dreams.

The term “mirage” is actually a well understood naturally occurring phenomenon that involves seeing things in the distance that aren’t really in the places that they appear. It is in most cases and optical illusion, but the key thing is that it does involve real objects somewhere.

women dreamingA dream based upon hope is sort of like that, too. It is not all just made up; it involves real goals and aspirations that you have and hope to achieve. So perhaps dreams, like mirages, allow us a closer view of a distant object (or hope). If so, that’s not a bad thing.

Do you have dreams based upon your hopes? Do they help keep those hopes alive? If so, they’ve served a good purpose.

Perhaps Aristotle had it more right when he said – “Hope is a waking dream.”