As I get older, some things that used to be important to me have lost that sense of importance, especially as it related to the use of my time. And, when I take the time to really think about it, many of those things were things that I was doing not so much because I really wanted to as it was that I thought someone else expected me to. I was letting what I perceived to be their expectations of me dictate the direction of my life.
Don’t get me wrong. I do believe that some level of recognition and acceptance of the expectations of others is required for an orderly society. The alternative is chaos. We all accept and obey the laws and expectations of society to some level. Those who choose to deviate from those expectations may be classified as criminals or perhaps as inventive genius’ or entrepreneurs. They are meeting their own expectations.
One does not have to be a criminal or a genius to focus upon their own expectations. I could use the words hopes and dreams in place of the word expectations. The point is understanding what is driving your behavior – what you want or what someone else wants?
When we are young, we may not really have a clear or firm vision of where we would like to go in life, so we “go with the flow” and let the expectations of others (parents, teachers, fiends) dictate our direction. At some point in life our own expectations gel and we seem to know what we want and take steps to get achieve those goals/ambitions/expectations.
By the time that one achieves that level of clarity about their personal expectations, they may be so locked into the roles that others expect of them that they cannot see any way to pursue their own goals. They may be married and have children. They may be deeply committed to some profession. That doesn’t mean that they can’t still pursue their dream, just that it will be harder and more complicated to do so.
If all of this makes pursuing your own expectations seem like a self-centered or selfish way to live there is some truth to that, but it is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. Shakespeare said in his play Hamlet, “To thine own self be true”. Acknowledging and pursuing your own hopes, dreams, and expectations is just being true to yourself.
If you have that nagging feeling at the end of each week that you ae not happy, even though you may be meeting the expectations of others in your role as employee, spouse or parent, take the time to think about what it is that you really want to be doing – what your hopes and dreams and expectations are in life. At least acknowledge that you have expectations of your own and that achieving them is also important in your life.
Once you get that clear, you can start thinking about how you might achieve those goals without completely disrupting your current life. Those new expectations can co-exist with the expectations that you are already locked into meeting. Talk with your spouse about what you want to do and seek their support for your effort. Start making small progress steps towards those new goals – maybe a college-level class or some introductory instruction on a needed skill.
Perhaps the “down time” between Christmas and New Year’s Eve provides a good opportunity to stop and think about whose expectations you are meeting in your daily life and to rediscover your own hopes and dreams. Perhaps you can set a few expectations for yourself based upon them. Your New Year’s Resolutions can then include meeting a few of your own expectations.
Have a great New Year of meeting your own expectations.
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