Be the aspirin to your family and friends…

March 9, 2020

“Friends seem to be like aspirin; we really don’t know why they make a sick person feel better, but they do.”  (Letty Cottin Pogrebin)

That was the quote that Jack used in a recent post to his blog, Jack’s Winning Words.

To paraphrase a common old doctors’ saying – “Talk to two friends and call me in the morning.”

Why does it help? Perhaps because we are all social animals and being able to share our miseries with someone who can commiserate with us has a “Placebo effect”.  Maybe there is something to the old “healing touch” beliefs that the laying on of hands can help. Some believe in being able to transfer “energy” between people. Whatever you believe, there is certainly something good and helpful about having someone else to share your pain or discomfort with; If nothing else, they may allow you to take your mind off your suffering for a while. Be the aspirin.

I’m sure that scientists could find something to attribute this effect too; perhaps the release of endorphins of some sort.  You really don’t need a scientific explanation of why a visit to a sick friend can help them feel better…just do it. It’s a whole lot more helpful than just sending them a Get Well card. Be the aspirin.

I suspect that, if you thought about it for a moment, you have friends who could use a visit. Perhaps they aren’t “sick” in the sense of having a disease.  Maybe they are just lonely, because they lost a loved one.  Maybe they are a shut-in, unable to drive or visit with anyone anymore. Perhaps they are in recovery from some incident that caused injury. Maybe they are suffering  from depression over a lost job or the end of a relationship. Whatever the reason for their current state of health or mind, they could use a visit right now and you can be their aspirin. Be the aspirin.

In most cases, you really don’t have to “do” anything other than be there to listen and offer encouragement. You roil is to assure them that they are not alone, that someone else cares about them. Now, in our current state of concern about the Corona virus, it may not make sense to endanger yourself by making a personal visit to someone who is infected and in quarantine; however, you can’t catch the disease over the phone and a phone call is a lot more helpful that just sending a card. See if they are able to take your call. Be the aspirin.

Just like in life there are many brands of aspirin, there are many ways to help and show support for those  in need of some help – taking food over to their house, offering to drive their children to things, offering to do their food shopping or to do their laundry. Sometimes all you can do is go sit by a bedside and listen, but that is enough to make a difference. Be the aspirin.

An interesting side-benefit of all this is something that the real aspirin never gets to experience – it will make you feel better, too. Doing something for others, serving others, helping others is an aspirin for your soul. It will help remove aches and pains that you may not have realized were there – those prickly little feelings that keep saying to you,  “I know I should be doing something to help.” Now, you are doing something.  Be the aspirin.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Who is hiding inside you?

March 7, 2020

In a recent post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog, pastor Freed used this quote – “Whoever you become, whatever you make yourself into, that is who you always were.”  (Tara Westover) 

Sometimes it’s just about realizing your potential by working to educate yourself. However, sometimes it may be about freeing yourself from the you that others have assigned to you – the stereotype or the generalization that others have applied to you that you came  to believe were true. The limitations or categorization imposed by others that we accept for ourselves become the prison within which we dwell.

Sometimes our prisons are self-imposed, often caused by fears or doubts. We don’t try to go beyond the limits that we set for ourselves, because it is safer and more comfortable to stay within the confines of the world that we have imposed upon ourselves. We settle into the routine and “normal”, not so much content with our lot, but, rather, afraid of the consequences of failing at something new or different. We know that there is someone else hiding within us, but we keep them hidden away and suppressed.

Maybe that person is in a completely different profession or job than we have now. Maybe that person is happily married, unlike the shy and lonely single person that we now see in the mirror. Maybe that person is the inspiring leader that we always wanted to be. Perhaps that person is friendly and outgoing, with many friends, and not the withdrawn loner that we’ve become. If we heed the words of today’s quote, we know that the person that we often dream of becoming is in there already, just waiting to be turned loose.

So, how do you let out the person who is hiding inside you? It starts with admitting to yourself that you are not as happy with the person that you are today as you would like to be. That’s not saying that the person that you are is bad, just that it is not what you want to be or think you could be.

The University of Phoenix is running a commercial right now about a mighty dragon who never learned to fly (never reached its potential). The gist of the story in the ad is that the woman in the commercial is that dragon who has obviously sacrificed herself to the task of taking care of her young son. She seems to be trapped in a life that is much less than she could have been, working in a job that is less than she could have achieved. The ad points to an education through the University of Phoenix as her way out of this self-imposed prison. The imagery of the Phoenix bird rising from the ashes supports and reinforces the idea of releasing the person within.

Certainly, educating or re-educating oneself may be an important step in the process of realizing the potential of the person that is within. It is a break with the past and may be the key to the future. However, it is not the first step. The first step is taken when one resolves to make a change, to find that person within and do something about freeing them. It does not always involved making such dramatic life changes as pursuing a new career. It can be a change in attitude towards life. It may be a commitment to be a better husband or wife or maybe a better parent. In most cases, that will mean that the focus of your life changes from internal to external – caring more about others than about yourself.

The University of Phoenix ad asks and answers a question that will undoubtedly come up when considering a life change – who will take care of the obligations that I have now (the children, the bills and other day-to-day things)?  The answer in the commercial is both simplistic and true – you will.

 Perhaps, I should have included a step before step one – asking  for God’s help. Remember that we have been told in the Bible that God will not give us greater challenges than we can handle.

 “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Paul did not say that you would never fail, nor did he say that it would be easy. He said that God will give you the strength to endure the tests that you encounter and that there will always be a way out.

Maybe God was always in there, too; suppressed and hidden within you alongside the person that you could be. Let them both out and your life will change forever.

Who’s hiding inside of you? Ask God to help you let that person out to fly like a mighty dragon. It was in you all along.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Be the somebody…

March 4, 2020

This Alfred Hitchcock quote was the lead in today’s post to the Jack’s Winning Words blog – “I have a feeling that inside you somewhere there’s a somebody nobody knows about.” Hitchkock would have made a movie about that – perhaps he did.

All of us have secret somebodies within us, if only in our dreams or imaginations. Few actually act out those hidden somebodies in their real lives, but they do tend to influence us from time to time. Jack mentioned politicians and how their secret selves (or the skeletons in their closets) somehow come out, or at least are exposed to scrutiny, in the spotlight of attention that is trained on them during their campaigns. Everything that each has ever said in public (or private) is dredged up and used against them.

Think about your secret self. Is it that rock star or high performer that you always wanted to be, but were too shy to let out? Is it that self-confident person who asks out the girl/guy that you’ve always admired from a distance? Is it the sales person who is not afraid to ask for the order or deal with objections? Is it that person who is not afraid to speak out against bullying or injustice? Perhaps it is that confused soul within that desperately wants to declare a different sexual identity, but who is afraid of the consequences. Maybe it’s that partner who feels trapped in a marriage that no longer makes sense. It could be that worker who regrets having chosen the profession that they feel trapped in now. Or, maybe, it just that happy soul that wants the chance to go out and play again as it did when you were a child.  

It would seem that the first step to dong something about the dilemma that Hitchcock postulated is to admit to yourself that the somebody inside you is there. You need to do something other than suppressing  that somebody. First, deal with recognizing what it is that this somebody wants or needs that is different from the life that you are living. Second, find a way to get those wants or needs out into the open. Maybe you can discuss it with a trusted friend or maybe you need the help of a professional counselor. Maybe these unfulfilled dreams or desires need to be discussed with your life partner (assuming that a break with your life partner isn’t the unfulfilled dream).

The point is to bring that secret somebody to the surface in your life and examine the consequences of acting upon those desires or unfulfilled dreams. For most, these are not negative things and the support that you might find from your life partner or friends will help you actually achieve those dreams. For a few, this process will bring lingering issues to a head and provide the chance for a clean break, letting that suppressed somebody inside finally escape. For some, the chance to examine long suppressed dreams or desires may result in them finally being discarded to make room for new dreams, goals or desires to be formed. Just don’t put those new dreams and hopes back into the same  secret place. Keep them out in the open.

The truth is that Hitchcock was wrong. You knew about that hidden somebody all along. You were its jailer. Now, maybe you can let him/her out and assume your real identity.

Be the somebody that you always wanted to be.

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Posted by Norm Werner

Make someone happy today

March 3, 2020

Today is national I want to make you happy day. In his Jack’s Winning Words blog post today, Pastor Freed used this quote – “Making one person smile can change the world, maybe not the whole world, but their world.”  (Unknown) 

The person who created I want to make you happy day is also anonymous.

We really shouldn’t need a special day to celebrate making others happy. Imagine how nice the world would be if we all set out each day to make others happy. In fact, one of the side benefits of making others happy is that it makes us happy, too. Not only do you get the satisfaction of affecting someone else in a positive and uplifting way; but you also get to enjoy the pleasant environment that his or her smiles create. In effect, by making them happy, you make yourself happy, too. It’s a win-win situation.

I have a friend who calls himself a Happiness Coach. He’s a self-proclaimed life coach who focuses upon helping people understand how to work at making their marriages more satisfying. He draws upon his own life experiences to help others. A primary focus of his is helping the partners better realize what they are doing or not doing to make their marriage more fulfilling and happy.

One does not have to be a life coach to make someone happy; however, it does require making the effort to reach out to that other person with the intent of helping them be happy. It might involve a kind word or greeting, or maybe a hug. Perhaps it is taking the time to listen to the problems that have them down and offering some encouraging advice.  It does usually involve eye contact or a touch. Tossing some change at a beggar sitting on the street does not elicit the same response as pausing to say, “I hope this helps”.

To celebrate I want to make you happy day, start by putting yourself in a happy frame of mind and then make a personal commitment to try to make others happy, too. Put a smile on your own face, as a first step to putting one on the faces of others. Then, resolve that instead of rushing by others without making eye contact, today you will greet them with that smile and an extended hand. You don have to say, “Happy I want to make you happy day!” Just thinking it will help.

Just think of the wake of happiness that you can leave in your wake as you go through the day and the ripple effect that your happiness will cause. Maybe you won’t change the whole world, but your little corner of the world will be a lot happier today.

I hope that I made your day a little happier with this post. Pass it on – it’s I want to make you happy day!

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Posted by Norm Werner

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