Traveling light helps in life, too…

October 13, 2014

Air travelers would probably be quick to tell you that traveling light, without a lot of baggage, is the best way to man with heavy bagget through the airports. The advice to travel light, without a bunch of baggage, also works well for life.

In today’s post at the Jack’s Winning Words blog, Jack posted a yard sign that he recently saw – “Forgive, forget and move on!”  (Front-yard sign)

Many of us tend to travel through life with way too much emotional baggage in tow.  We insist on carrying around remorse, anger, hate, envy, sadness, and more. No wonder it takes us forever to get though the security checkpoints of life.

lifes stormsThe weight of all of this baggage not only slows us down, it effects how others look at us and deal with us. That weight tends to curl your lips down, into a frown, or case such a pall over our faces that we constantly look mad or sad. Beyond just how we look, the weight of all of that negative baggage can lead to depression; and continuing down that path leads to no good.

So, what are we to do? The advice that Jack saw on the yard sign is as good start. Whatever the wrong that you feel was committed against you; forgive the person for whom you are currently carrying the baggage of anger, hate, envy or revenge. Put that baggage down, forget about it and move on. If you are carrying the baggage of remorse for something that you did, make it right or apologize or just file away the lesson learned and forget about it and move on.

The baggage of sadness is oft the hardest to put down, especially the sadness of a the loss of a loved one. One dreams
must try to replace that baggage with the lighter and easier to live with memories of the good times when that person was still here. It’s OK to keep those bags of good memories with you the rest of your life. In fact get them out from time to time when you need to put a smile on your face.

As you start out on another week of life’s journey, check your baggage to see what you are carrying with you. Make sure to leave the negative baggage behind. Start by forgiving, forgetting about it and then you can move on. I think that you’ll find that traveling lighter makes your life more fun. I’m pretty sure that others will better appreciate taking a seat next to you on the journey, if they see that you don’t have a ton of emotional baggage stuffed under your seat.

Max Lucado put it well when he said – “The burlap bag of worry. Cumbersome. Chunky. Unattractive. Scratchy. Hard to get a handle on. Irritating to carry and impossible to give away. No one wants bag with goodbyeyour worries.” In fact, no one other than you wants to share your emotional baggage; so get rid of it before you set out on this week’s journey.

Forgive, forget and have a great trip!

Use your mind’s eye to find your happy place…

October 10, 2014

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, or even touched.  They must be felt within the heart.”  (Helen Keller) – from the Jack’s Winning Words blog.

Isn’t the imagery that we have created around parts of our bodies and how we “use” them in our everyday lives interesting? We say that we see things “in our mind’s eye.” We may make decisions based upon a feeling in our gut or perhaps in our heart. We may love people with all our heart.  We feel things with our heart. We try to “get our head around” things. We can be “touched” by others without physical contact.  We may say that the death of a loved one can make the heart ache; and, thinking of difficult things is sometimes said to make your head hurt.

We tend to use those to describe feelings that are deep and most of the time very emotional and we need a place brain mapto locate them within our physical existence, so we choose body parts.  I suppose that we are lucky that someone in antiquity choose the heart as the symbol for love and not our brains; otherwise, we might be delivering box of candy shaped like the brain. Of course modern science has been able to locate and map out the portions of our brains that are really involved in all of the emotions that we have and so far none of the maps have pointed to the heart or revealed a real eye in the brain.

But, let’s let go of science and accept things as we feel them. Helen Keller couldn’t see or hear, but she somehow came to understand the concept of beauty and could see them in her mind’s eye and feel them in her heart.  Even if you have normal eyesight there are things that you cannot see that you may have some feel for in your mind’s eye. Hypnotists sometimes help people find their “happy place”, somewhere that either they have been to in the past or a totally imaginary place that they can conjure up in their mind. With your eyes closed you can “see it” and feel the happiness that being there brings. Do you have a happy place that you go to when you need to? Usually they are quiet, comfortable and safe feeling places; many times they may even be places from your childhood memories. They cannot be touched or seen but they are felt in your heart and thus seen in your mind’s eye.

If you have never really tried to conjure up your “happy place”, I encourage you to do so. Having a refuge like that, which you can visit whenever you need to, can be a life changer (sometimes a life saver). Some people get Butterfliesto their happy place through a form of meditation; others may use prayer to get there. How you get there is less important that the fact that you can get there and that being there makes you feel better, more at peace and more able to cope. It’s not really so much about escaping whatever caused you to need to go there; it’s more about regaining control over the emotions of the situation, calming down, and getting back within yourself. While you are there, if you look around; you will likely also find the strength and the courage to persevere, once you have to return to your conscious life.

There also tend to be a lot of faith and hope to be found in your happy place. That gets back to getting back in control of your emotions. You can once again have hope, maybe based upon faith or maybe just based upon taking a calmer look at the situation.  Even if the situation is beyond hope, there is still faith; for it is faith that allows you to step off into the abyss that you can see knowing that you will not fall due to the power that you cannot see. It is so much easier to take the step of faith if you are already in your happy place and at peace.  women dreaming

So, get off by yourself this weekend; maybe with a little soft music in the background and a nice glass of wine, perhaps sitting in front of a crackling fireplace, and find your personal happy place. Go there. See it in your mind. Remember it and how to get there; then use it whenever life starts to overwhelm you or when emotions overtake you. It’s a beautiful place that you will feel in your heart.

Have a great weekend! I’ll see you next week. I’m off to my happy place for the weekend.

I don’t know what to write about…

October 7, 2014

I get that statement a lot in emails and comments from followers of my blogs, along with the question, how you do decide what to write about? How do you get started? So, I thought I’d write a little riff on that topic.

As all of my followers know, I get lots of inspiration for what I write about from another blogger – Jack Freed. Jack is a retired ELCA Lutheran pastor who has found a new callingJack Freed and a new congregation on-line with his blog Jack’s Winning Words. Jack posts to that blog every day during the week, but never on the weekends. Jack’s format is simple and consistent. He starts each blog post with a quote that he has found and adds usually no more than a paragraph of his thoughts about the quote. Jack’s posts often take the form of questions about how the reader interprets the quote or what it may mean to them.

So, I read Jack’s post every morning and most of them (but not all) inspire me to write something in response to the quote or using the quote as the theme for my expanded remarks. Sometimes I’ll end up with a few paragraphs, sometimes more. But it is that approach that I try to pass on to those who as me about writing blog posts. Write about what something means to you. Do you have an opinion on that topic; then, let it find a voice through your writing. Does the quote resonate with you in some significant way, perhaps a life experience? Then write about that. Does the quote inspire you to take some action? Then write about that and the actions that you took. Does the quote beg a response? What is your response to it? Write about that. Is the quote too negative for your? Why? Write about that. Is the quote a positive inspiration to you? Great, write about that.

AppraiserSome days I don’t have much of a personal reaction to Jack’s blog (not many to be sure); so, on those days I have to look elsewhere for inspiration. Many days I find it in the news, in stories about things happening in my area of beyond that I have some reaction too or feeling about. That is actually how I get most topics for my real estate blogs. Yes, I do post to multiple blogs; although most of them not on a daily basis. In the real estate world I get 3-4 daily news feeds from various national sources. It is usually easy to find something in them to react to and write about. In the case of real estate my point of view is slightly different than just “what does this mean to me?”; it has more to do with what does this news mean to my real estate clients? Whenever and whatever the Federal Government does something with a program aimed at homeowners, whether good or bad; that supplies a topic for a blog post, maybe many posts.

For my more personal blog (this one) I also made the conscious decision to try to write from a positive perspective, instead of letting cynicism or negative vibes creep in. I’m not always 100% successful in filtering out the negative, but I try. There are enough blogger out there already spewing hate and negative posts about almost any topic. I don’t want to be a part of that group. Sometimes I find inspiration I the daily newspaper comic strips. Anyone who experienced the amazing and entertaining wisdom of the Calvin and Hobbs strip knows what a great source of inspiration that can be. Sometimes I just do a Google search
for quotes on a topic of interest. If there is nothing that sparks an interest or a reaction that day; I just don’t write that day.

So, how do I write? Well I will admit that I’m a stream-of-consciousness style writer. I usually write in the first person and I just take off on a topic and see where my brain leads me. Many times that means a lot of editing and rearranging things. Sometimes it writermeans abandoning and deleting entire paragraphs or multiple paragraphs. Most of the time it also involves a lot of typing corrections (I’m a terrible typist) and spelling or grammar corrections. Even spell check can’t save me from myself many times and really weird or incorrectly used words end up getting posted, that I have to go back and correct later. As I write, I’m less concerned about those errors than trying to capture my thoughts on the topic. I don’t get hung up on the mechanics the first time through. I can fix those mistakes later. That’s what great authors had editors for.

Another “technique” that I sometimes use and almost always advise others to consider is that your writing should be the same as if you were in a conversation with tpainted into cornerhe intended reader, maybe at a cocktail party or maybe on a park bench. This conversation isn’t really all one sided, it’s just that you have to give a “voice “to the questions that the other party might ask. Often when I get around to asking myself the “why” questions that I imagine a listener might ask, I find that I have written myself into a corner and there is no good answer to the question. Delete, delete, delete and start over again. I am occasionally surrounded by an imaginary pile of wadded up paper that has been ripped from my imaginary typewriter.

Is there a right or wrong to what I write about? I suppose that on occasion there are things man with questionthat others will not agree with – an opinion after all is just that and not necessarily the point of view that is shared by all. Advice given to others, as well meaning as it might be, may not fit the situation that the readers finds themselves in and thus is not well taken. However, taken in the spirit that it is written, my writing is my opinion or feelings about the topic at the time, shared in hopes that others might find it of some use. There is a term in comedy writing for an item that is tossed into a routine to see if it can get a small laugh. It is called a throw-away. It’s usually a single line or thought that may be added in the middle of a longer routine or even in the midst of a larger joke. Much of my writing could probably be considered a throw-away, but I toss it out there to see if it gets a laugh or a smile or a reaction. It has no big, earth shattering, life-changing intent or meaning. If you like it, great; if not, oh well, I enjoy doing it anyway.

For all of the stymied writers out there who can’t seem to figure out how to get started; just do it. Pick something out of today’s paper that you have some reaction to and write about that. Just start writing and see where it takes you. Post it and see if anyone comments. If no one seems to care, write something else and post that. Keep at it as long as you have something that you want to say.

Doing the right thing is never wrong…

October 1, 2014

“What’s right isn’t always popular.  What’s popular isn’t always right.”  (Howard Cosell). Jack featured that little saying by Howard Cosell a few weeks back on his Jack’s Winning Words blog.

I remember Howard Cosell. When I was younger, he was one of the major voices of sports. I think I first heard him interviewing Cassius Clay (Mohammed Ali) right after he won the heavyweight championship over Sonny Liston. Howard went on to have a long and always controversial career in sports broadcasting.  He wasn’t always popular.

This quote speaks directly to a major lesson that all parents try to teach their children. It’s usually within the context of judging right and wrong, but almost always also about understanding how to deal with peer pressure when making those decisions. Doing what is right is made all the more difficult if it is not what is popular; however, it is never the wrong thing to do. Eventually even teens understand that doing what is right will earn them a better reputation over the long run than going along to get along. Others will know that they can count on you to do the right thing and that builds trust. Having trust in someone is a major ingredient in any true relationship.

kids at schoolThere are so many choices (opportunities) presented to youth today that involve serious consequences if they make the wrong (sometimes the popular) decisions. The constant flow of new and different drugs that are readily available at the corner gas station is just one example. Experimenting with those drugs may seem to be popular, but that doesn’t make it right. No one ends up in the emergency room of the hospital for saying “no” to that temptation.

Later in life the temptations may become more subtle, but there is still a line there somewhere between right and wrong, no matter how popular something may be.  Discerning that line and staying on the right side of it may be a challenge, but it’s a challenge made easier if one starts with a strong sense of self and a good moral compass.

I’m a believer that one must first love themselves before they can love others. You must be comfortable and secure with who you are and not always striving to be like someone else.  Once you are satisfied with who and what you are; you can start to seek out others to share your life with. You will be popular with those people because you are giving of yourself and not just taking from them in an attempt to be like them. They will like you for who you are, not who you are trying to be.

Perhaps another little quote from Jack’s blog sums that up nicely –proud

“Be yourself.  Everyone else is taken.”  (Nicole Barutha)

So go out in the world today and be the best you that you can be. Do the right things. Do right by others and don’t worry about whether that is popular or not. The only one that you need to be popular with is you. Others may follow you along that path or you may follow others along the same path; soon you may even notice that you are now part of a crowd of happy people doing the right things. You’ve become popular without even trying.